so... that was an experience

One of my favorite websites is Babycenter.com and I always look there for fun baby advice & progress that Elias should be making. Tonight I ventured into strange waters. Somehow I stumbled on a C.section video and even though I didn't feel really excited about it, I knew I needed to watch it. Since I had to have a section with E, and probably will with subsequent children... I felt like it would be good to see what my body went through.

My first reaction was yuck. My second reaction was, thanks God, for giving someone the insight to do that. Without it, Elias may have had a broken collar bone or I may not have been able to have more babies. If you need to watch it - go here, http://www.babycenter.com/videos/view/?vid=1286554

Also - on another baby development note: we realized Elias had some tricks up his sleeve that we didn't know about. Staci had to do a development test on a baby and of course, she naturally picked her favorite. One thing I had no clue about.... Elias knows how to put objects into container like objects. Stace had a wooden cube container and a ball and after she showed Elias how to do it, he was supposed to repeat after her. Instead each time she handed it to him for his turn... he threw the ball down and put his passy in. Cute.

On another note... I need a new fresh haircut. Any ideas? This is what I'm thinking... because we all know I look just like Jessica Simpson, just hotter.

Hilarious memory

So tonight I spent around 30 minutes laughing by myself at the following memory...

Spring break of my junior year, my ladies & I went to the sleepiest beach town possible in Florida. We spent the whole week laughing, eating, and being by ourselves and with the Lord. Every night, we would walk to dinner nearby and enjoy the company of all the elderly people in that town.

One night, we were walking back and preparing to board the elevator up to our condo. Half of the girls were taking the elevator but Mere & Steph were going up the stairs because Stephipoo has a terrifying fear of elevators, even though we were only staying two flights up. So as we rode up the elevator, I was explaining to the girls that in general, I'm not really afraid of anything.

{Sidebar: I am scared of EVERYTHING. The dark, spiders, having a heart attack when my arm falls asleep. I just am a very very very cautious person. And extremely jumpy. In fact, earlier in the spring break week - I had woken all the girls up because I was sure I was dying in the middle of the night since I'd taken too many laxatives and not drunk enough water. You get the picture.}

As the door to the elevator opened and I ended my summary with "Yup, there's nothing I can really think of that scares me...", Stephanie and Mere jumped out at me and said "boo!" in a very mild third-grade manner. Something about that made my skin crawl and my nerves rattle and I started screaming at the top of my lungs and running towards the condo door as if there was a mass murderer chasing me. Once I finally calmed down, we laughed for hours.



On another noted: We had a 'family-meeting' at Mosaic today where Naeem rolled out the vision for implementing the seek, save, send model. VERY interesting & enlightening.

On one more note: I'll admit it, I'm obsessed with Americas Funniest Videos.

love.love.

I'm gonna be a supermodel

Well not me, Elias.

More on dreams

So this morning, Nick and I had some fun Starbucks time with Elias and I got to think more on the dreams Nick asked me about. (see earlier post)

Here's a few more I came up with:
I want to be able to find joy in feeding Elias baby food and driving. I really hate both of those activities.

I want a chow-chow. (I've never had a dog, and I've never had an animal that lived more than a few weeks)

I want to be able to sincerly pray Hannah's prayer and trust that God will take care of those closest to me. Check out 1 Samuel.

......


So, this blog is highlighted by two things: a) the thought of a chow-chow. preeewwshus.
b) a word picture for you: You know you wanted to be there.
The scene: my tiny living room
Who: me, my sister, AnnaJaye (my beautiful neice) & Elias
What: dancing our hearts out to Imogen Heap, then The Killers, and finally AnnaJaye decided on 'One Way' by Hillsong United. Fun times had by all. I played one of Elias's chew tows like a tambourine.

must read.

PLEASE read the following. My friend and hero, Kelly Cowan, mother of two sweet twin girls wrote this. Her girls, Kanah and Grace, were born April 25th and I absolutely cannot wait to meet them. Kelly was one of the leaders at Forest Hill when I was in the youth group and her husband, Jason, is one of Nick's best friends and one of his life coaches:). Here's Kelly's website for more goodness -
http://http://kellycowan.spaces.live.com/default.aspx




July 23
Crown
I'm a mom. It's wild to suddenly have a new title. It took me years to get used to "wife". You feel instantly aged, like you've put a shirt on that's too big and you're swimming. Well, I guess I don't want to be wearing big shirts anymore. Another word picture - like my first day at a new job. You kind of sit there sliding things around on your desk, wishing the IT dept would get your computer hooked up so you can look like you know what you're doing. Is this word picture working either? ;) Anyway, it's a sudden newness that you've been looking forward to and in this one instant you have a new name. Other people seem used to it before I am. Interesting isn't it, those who know me least are most comfortable with the title "mom" for me because they get to know who I am now, not who I've been - the me that was wide eyed at the mystifying thought of becoming a mom. Then friends and family warm up to it and more and more see me this way - I guess nine months of a growing belly is helpful. And then there I am, still cocking my head to the side at that word on the page, even though the whole world is nice and comfy placing that gorgeous crown of honor on my head. And surely it is not just a word, it is a crown. Kanah and Grace watch it shimmering on my head. They gaze at me in a way that seems to make it valid more than hearing the actual word off any tongue. They have no idea what is going on in the world but they do know a truth and that is that I am a big, important "blob" (they can't see great yet) that's always around, loving them. And later we will teach them that the word their world has chosen for their big, important, loving blob is "mom". I was recently asked by my father in law what it was like to be a mom. It's everything I can't say about how I feel when Kanah or Grace look at me. Their eyes call me to something. Their eyes speak life into me. Their eyes tell me who to be for them. Their eyes stir up something new in me that the Lord put there for me to become...for them. Not for me. For them. So being a "mom" feels heavy, feels deep, feels like this vast field that I run in, clutching the hands of my husband and little girls. And it feels so good. I used to not be so sure if I was ready to be a mom. It was a word I pushed off for a while. I didn't realize being a mom was a crown. So I wasn't sure if I wanted it. I thought it was just a big shirt. But it turns out it was a big crown. And it's really beautiful and right and good. There, now I have my word picture.

Something to think on...

This is just not my strong suit. But integrity is something I've been praying about and praying for. Here's a passage I'm really stuck on lately.

I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you. And give my son Solomon the wholehearted devotion to keep your commands, requirements and decrees and to do everything to build the palatial structure for which I have provided. 1 Chronicles 29:17-19

My sister & I have been doing Beth Moore's Daniel study which focuses on having integrity and being strong in today's Babylonic society. My sister's been doing much better at it but every few days when I read it, I'm just so challenged by what the Word says. Last night as I was reading Beth asked if there was one circumstance in life that you know without a shadow of a doubt how you would respond. Her example was that if one of her children were in danger, she would risk her life to save them. That's easy for mothers, but it's hard to think of a circumstance like that with the Lord for me. If I was in some godforesaken place and being held at gunpoint, I want to say I would never deny Christ but part of me knows my mind would wander to Elias and Nick and wanting to be with them. If someone out in society ridiculed me for knowing Christ, I want to know that I wouldn't take it to heart, but part of me knows I have a huge issue with people pleasing and something in me would want to impress them.

Anyways, this verse really spurs me. I'd like to be able to say this to the Lord without wavering.

Since I'm on a roll....

I'm making up for lost time and blogging my little heart out tonight but I wanted to share this:

These are the things I'm intensely excited about right now....
a) Jb's big birthday party this Friday. She really is a great part of our life and we can't wait to celebrate her.
b) picking Elias up tomorrow after work. Usually Nick and I argue over who has to complete this mundane task, because it's kind of trafficky & hard to do quickly. HOWEVER, I haven't seen Elias since like 1:30pm today and while I've enjoyed my anniversary baby-free, I'm aching for that sweet little face.
c) my new workout/over all fitness/wellness lifestyle. Before my wedding, I was so fitness & nutrition-wise and somehow in 2 years - I lost every tidbit of knowledge and most of my desire to have the hottest body on the block. BUT, since Kalle's been helping me and spurring me on, I'm very excited about just being healthy and growing my body into what it needs to be.
d) my job. I really take it for granted. It is perfect for me and it is VERY easy & it also makes me feel like I'm good at something in the outside world.


Okay. enough blogging for one night. I promise.

Welcome back, self

So I stopped blogging for awhile because I didn't really have time and didn't see the purpose - but lately I've been missing writing and this is such a great outlet for my thrashing emotions and deep thoughts. Ha, or hilarious Elias stories and/or the sickest recipes ever that I make up sometimes.

So here's something to start it off with:

Elias is staying at his Grand Nanny's because we're celebrating our 2 year anniversary. Tonight Nick asked me what my dreams were. That sounds like such a basic question, but it's one he doesn't ask me often. My desires in life have shifted so much in the past two years, I haven't really gotten to sit and gauge what my ultimate dream is. Two years ago I thought I'd be the next Beth Moore (ha) and now I feel like it's great if I truly mean what I'm saying during worship once a week. So I really started thinking and these are the three random dreams that I actually desire.

a) to defy family odds, to prove the world (even the Christian world) wrong. Everyone says the next few years are going to be so hard. Everyone says that marriage at 20, pregnant at 21, baby #1 at 22 and however many to come is going to kill us - atleast for a few years. I want it to make us the most joy-filled, spent, child-adoring, spouse-loving, and Christ-like family possible. I don't want us to be perfect. I want us to be us, real people who love God. I know that sounds naive, but I actually don't care. I want to be purposeful and see everything as a gift, not as a burden.

b) when my kids are school-aged, I want to have a closet/space that is chockfull of school supplies. Stacks and stacks of paper, pens, glue, and crayons. Not to allow them to be wasteful but so they know when it comes to learning & creativity - the supplies are limitless. This isn't derived from any neglect from my childhood (I always had school supplies - I just refused to use them), but it's probably more directly linked to my inner connection between having mundane household supplies (toilet paper, windex, & hand soap) and my feeling of security. We could have $0.03 to our name, but if we have an 8 pack of paper towels, I feel like we're millionaires.

c) my last dream is to be exactly the opposite of myself as a mom, always. For example, I'm really selfish and I love sleep but last night (in a rare mommy-alter-ego moment), I became the better version of me. Elias was sick or just extra finnicky for some reason and cried from 12am until 2am. He never does that. We tried to let him cry it out and finally we realized, he was just extra upset and needed us. After we pulled him into bed with us, I was exhausted, but from 2:00am - 2:30, all I could do was hold him, kiss him, and stare at him. I didn't even want to sleep. I'm one of the worst people I know, and my dream is to be the opposite, the best mom I know.


Those are my dreams. Weird, but mine.