one month old, Big Benjamin!

ok, he is really a month & some change, but his one-month
appointment was today - so this counts!

Benjamin weighs: TEN POUNDS & 14 OUNCES! He gained about thirty-two ounces in seventeen days, which is just amazing! And is in the seventy-fifth percentile for height & weight. We don't mind tiny babies - but it is really nice to have one with no growth issues!
(since Glory just now weighs ten pounds about - j/k)


Here is what he is into:
- eating every four hours, not a minute more or less. If we time him on our Itzbeen - he is like clockwork, usually eating within five minutes of his little four hour time limit.
- awake times! Usually twice a day, once in the afternoon & once at night - he will stay good & awake for a few hours. He doesn't like to just sit, though, he likes to change positions, have the passy/lose the passy, have tummy time/end tummy time,
walk around/be bounced - you name it!
- being swaddled. Whether he is sleeping or not, he wants to be wrapped up tight. If he is a little fussy, a tight wrap-up in his favorite airplane blanket makes him happy.
- um, pooping. He doesn't do it all that regularly, but when he does - look out. No clothing or blankets or car seats are safe. Big Benj keeps our washer & dryer busy!
- naps with mom or dad. He naps with Daddy in the morning around 6am and
with Mommy after the big kids are in bed, around 6:30pm... these are some of his
favorite (and our favorite) little rituals.
- smiling. When Daddy makes kisses faces on you or when Mommy does her high-pitch squealing, every once in a while - you just start beaming.

Things Benjamin is NOT into:
- CHANGING CLOTHES. You would think we were ripping his arms & legs off. The second we're done, he is fine again!
- overstimulation. When the Elias & Glory chorus becomes a little too much, you like to just escape and lay down in silence by yourself. We understand.
- Eating small amounts. Since he eats in exactly four hour increments, he wants a full belly when he is done - no snacking for this boy.


Benjamin, you are a joy-joy-joy.
We love you so much & can't wait to have another month with you.

(yes, you're right - this post should include a picture. oops.
I WILL take some tomorrow. Promise.)

pictures

not recent ones, sorry.
I was looking through facebook today with Nick and realized time is passing tooo quickly.

this was just four years ago?

oh, three years ago.
I remember this day like it was today. somebody's baby pooped on me.
i FREAKED out.
today kal & I were at lunch (with families) and benjamin pooped everywhere
& we all just went on eating.

this was just a YEAR ago.
oh my gosh, stunning - that glory is.

and this was only a few months ago.
For the first time EVER, I missed that big preggo belly.
I did not miss it enough to wish it back, mind you, but I missed it.

Time just keeps on flying by.

first brother sister cuddle

some funny things

Benjamin is four weeks old today, is that a joke?!
What happened in the last four weeks? Didn't I just get home from the hospital?
Sure seems like it.

Ah well, before too much time passes, here are some funny things that don't belong in any grande story but really in a blog full of funny snippets.

- During the csection, there is always this really sweet Simba-in-Lion-King moment where they hold the slimy baby up for you over the surgery protector so you can see it. When they held Benj up for me to see, a massive glop of goo & blood dropped right on my face - into my eye. Everyone kept trying to wipe it off, but I'm pretty sure it was there an hour or two later when I retouched my makeup because I had nothing else to do while I waited for a nicu update. Yuck.
- When my csection recovery was going really bad (it's getting much better lately, thanks) I was having all sorts of weirdo pains and problems. One was a mysterious pressure on my left abdomen that felt exactly like.... a moving baby. In my scariest, darkest moments - I convinced myself that somewhere during my pregnancy with Benj I'd gotten miraculously pregnant again and there was six month old baby somewhere in there. I was so convinced, I didn't tell anyone and I only came to my senses over this issue a few days ago. Weirdo.
- Literally almost every day since his birth, big Benj has blown out a diaper & pooed his pants. I'm not even kidding. You think I'd be pretty used to poop after the past two years, but the other day it was so bad while I was nursing him - I almost puked. I started yelling like a sixteen year old girl,

"SOMEONE TAKE HIM! GROSS! SOMEONE TAKE HIM!
THERE IS POOP ALL OVER ME!".
I've since been pooped on again and am back to my
normal mommy-ambivalence-to-poo stance.
Well, thank goodness.

mute

Today I was explaining a new phenomenon in my life to my sweet sister,
MUTENESS.
Is muteness a word? It is now.

There is something about being a mom to a brand new, nursing baby and two big "kids" also, truly babies themselves that takes you to a whole new level of exhaustion.
Am I happy? Oh yeah.
Do I feel a lot of joy? Oh yeah.
Are there some stressful points? You betcha. About every five minutes.

But the crazy thing is - I have no words to describe it all, relay information, or converse.
Around five pm today, I still had a lot of details to share with my husband about the coming week, I wanted to hear about his day - I wanted to spend the last few hours chatting with my sister. I'd love to call my mom, about five friends, respond to the four facebook messages in my inbox or start returning some emails. I'd love to do some writing or blogging - even take pen to paper & just let the stream of consciousness flow.

But the exhaustion has stretched to the elasticity in my lips and I'm mute.
So I'll take Marcy's advice and I won't apologize.
Great point.

Just so you all know, however, I'm healthy and happy.
Tired & have my hands full, but the heart is full too.
I like that the rest of the world is still blogging though,
gives me something to read while I'm up in the middle of the night feeding.
So, thanks:).

if I've said it once.

... I've said it a million times.
Nick, you are a better dad than I ever imagined you or anyone could be.
You are a better dad to these little babies than the imaginary
perfect dad I could dream up in my head.
Every day you admit with humility that you're not perfect &
every day you try harder than the last.
I am blessed to have you -
our kids are blessed to have you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And of course - HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my sweet Daddy all the way in Malaysia, my awesome Stepdad - Gibson, & my great father in law! You guys are all great & we
are so blessed to have you - as are our kiddos!

Part of Nick's father's day gift was a collage of photos that the beautiful Marilee took of the kids & I just before Benjamin was born. I really wish we could have had a session with all three babes, but I knew I had to plan ahead because my brain would be mush.
Don't worry though - we snuck some of sweet Benj into the collage.
Enjoy!

it's about to get real fun up in here.

Tonight, at midnight, my sister Katie, aka - Ruby, will be HERE!
In our house! To stay, for FIVE DAYS!
Not only am I pumped for some help, some company, some fun auntie-action,
but this is the most concentrated Ruby time I've had in years.
a-mazing.

Since we'll all be busy enjoying her, here are some pictures before all the fun begins.
These are my sweetie boys, relaxing this afternoon.


a close up of the manchild. don't look straight into his eyes.
he'll make you hold him & use babytalk.


tummy time. he spit up 2.5 seconds later on my white pillow:)


how does that turn into that?


maxin' & relaxing.



And just one more to make you laugh.
Nick & I have been meaning to post this somewhere for awhile.
This is for real, how psycho we have to have our diaper organization
down with three under three. This is a for real picture of our closet.
We may as well throw that toilet paper out,
it's gonna be awhile before any of them are using it.


ok friends,
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

just ignore me.

Seriously, am I about to write a blog about
the Real Housewives of New Jersey?
the Bravo TV show?


Is it slightly important in the grand scheme of things? nope.
Is it good, quality, wholesome tv? not really.
Should you probably read ahead if you have even a mid-level of intelligence? nah, dawg.



But I can't help myself.

Seriously, y'all - I can say with full confidence - this has been my favorite tv show of all time. Over Friends, Seinfeld, Lost, American Idol - you name it. My favorite is by far RHO-newjersey.




Why, you ask. (or probably not since you're not reading this)
1. Dina. Best character progression in a reality tv show, ever. She started out seeming like a shallow meany, and she turns out to be the really warm mama who decides mid-show to quit her career and spend time with her daughter. I just loved watching every scene with her & her daughter, Lexi, because she spends so much time laughing. I can't spend five minutes with Glory without laughing - even when I'm disciplining her - I love it when mamas have fun with their girls.
2. The b-word. If you watch it, you know it. I'm assuming for propriety sake that this blog readership is mixed company so I won't say it but I will tell you that Nick and I have added it to our vocabulary.
3. That their family is thick as theives. Here's a good clip that has inspired me to get a watchdog.
4. I gotta say, I love that they all for real have mob connections. I guess I don't really like the fact that they could have me whacked (isn't that what they call it?), but I don't think they would - I think they'd invite me to lunch & I'd tell them about Jesus. And they'd tell me about plastic surgery.
5. I love that Theresa secretly spoke in italian to her husband on the finale last night. You think she is just a silly stage mom, no way - that lady has some brains.



Ok, almost done.
If you're still reading and you like this silly show as much as I do:
here are some inspirational links to keep you going:
- Thank you JPH for this beaut: An old VH1 of Dina's wedding! And her husband!
- The ladies blogs

feeling foggy.

For some reason, the first two weeks of post-baby life felt really manageable and rosey and accomplished. But then - I realized that my body just wasn't going to heal if I kept living like that, so in the past forty-eight hours, I've gone back to semi-caveman-like existence. Sitting a lot, resting a lot, not doing any laundry or sweeping at all. No vacuuming or planning, very little computer use. Just lots of holding and sitting & resting. To top it off, Benjamin has a little runny nose issue that is affecting his eating a good deal - so we are just holding each other a lot and trying to get through each minute. I actually just put him down for the first time in about 24 hours (literally) and I didn't realize how long it had been till he was out of my arms for about five minutes - woosh, I love that boy
but my arms are tired.

So I'm feeling quite foggy & the theme of this season is learning how to thrive in the
fog & the lack of productivity. And I think I've made a gameplan:
very short, simple to-do lists. Or long-term far off goals.

Some examples:
Today, I would like to: shower & read my bible.
By the fall I would like to: make sure Glory & I are getting one-on-one girl time once a week.
We are being over taken by testosterone.
In three weeks: I'm hoping to see some major signs of healing on this body.
Friday: I will get to sit & talk to my sister ALL DAY, in the flesh!
In six weeks: I want to buy Elias' toddler bed & bedding and help him start sleeping in it,
in his new bedroom, wherever that may be!
and of course,
This weekend: I would like to take some new pictures of my babes for you all to coo over.


Here is one to hold you off until then.

oops

It's Saturday night, almost Sunday and I just looked at my blog & saw the last time I posted was on Wednesday. Oh, goodness gracious.

Thursday Benjamin & I spent the day with Kalle & Pearce. Kal & I have dreamed about that day for so long - spending the day together as moms, with our babies. What a joy. I meant to take about a zillion pictures but I forgot my camera and really, we had two newborns - our hands were full! Kalle did take a few on her camera, maybe I can bribe her to put them up!

Friday, the whole family trucked to the Cowans because New Beginnings was hosting a workday with about 60 volunteers. We are crazy thankful for people who come and serve (clean, landscape, & do repairs) - but with three under three, sixty strangers in and around your house can be a little frightening. ALMOST as frightening as six babes two and under, all under one roof - with only two mamas. Just kidding, our playday wasn't really scary - it was actually amazing and fun and hectic and fun. Then, we stayed for some great fellowship & food - provided by
Mrs. Cowan, superwoman herself.

Today we were all just about done in from our busy few days & it showed, because none of us woke up till about 8:30. (not including Benj & I - of course) Homemade pancakes, playtime, some botched naps, a Glory/mama grocery trip, a newborn poop fiasco, bathtime, and some barbeque chicken salad later and the day is almost over. So now I'm holding Benj during his needy time, typing with one hand, and letting my hair dye do it's thing - don't worry, I've contained the smell from my sweet boy. Not that I think everyone wants the play by play of our lives - but thats why there are no blogs spewing out of me, or emails being responded to, or calls being aswered. The dust will settle soon enough.

exhibit a & b

exhibit a: (how c-section recovery is going)




exhibit b: (what makes it all worth it.)

about a billion things.

Here's what is going down.

• HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY COWAN! I love you a ton & feel overjoyed to know you & to get to learn from you & to get to be your friend. Not only are you fun to be around, entertaining, & beautiful but I know that Christ has made me a better wife & mother from knowing you.
  
• One of our girls, sweet Carmen, had her baby this morning! Carmen is honestly a JOY to have in our home & New Beginnings has offered her an open invitation to stay as long as she would like. We are praising God for the birth of her sweet daughter & praying that we will be helpful in loving on her as she walks through the process of placing her for adoption.
  
• PEARCE WENT HOME LAST NIGHT! I told Kalle the other day, Pearce is about the fourth person I think about when I wake up in the morning... I think about him all day, and now I'll probably think about him all night when I'm up nursing, wondering if sweet Kal is doing the same thing. I cannot wait till Thursday, to go and spend the day with the two of them. Expect lots of Benjamin/Pearce pictures.
  
• I'm tackling thank-you notes but if you've sent our sweet little boy something - can I just say two things: 1) stop! you are too sweet! and 2) thank you! an official thank you is on it's way but we're so grateful for all the little goodies.
  
• This has been a week of worrisome little injuries around our house. My c-section is not healing so well, Elias has a gnarly hangnail, & we just found out Glory has an egg allergy - after she had a scary little case of the hives. That being said, I think I'm doing good with sleep deprivation and new-mom-hormones until I started crying with anxiety over Elias' hangnail. Feel free to pray for us:).
  
• Before we leave New Beginnings, we're going to attempt one last little fundraiser... next week. I might blog about it in a few days and I might just scrap the whole thing if it doesn't look promising! We'll see.
• Two reality star mamas I'm loving right now: Tori Spelling & sweet Dina. Enjoy.
  

Ok, that's enough for now.
love love.

mush for brains

In the past week, my sweet husband/pastor has been leading me in thankfulness & praise. When I want to worry about the future or stress or plan or project, he has been pointing me towards Jesus and encouraging me to be thankful for the grace that God has given us.
He is a wiiiiise man.

That being said, I'm really thankful for the ease in which Benjamin came into our lives. I'm thankful for the seemingly doubled peace and doubled joy that the Lord has put in my heart. I'm thankful that our children are growing & learning and learning to love one another.
Specifically I'm thankful that Glory has stopped mauling Benjamin and even has started to give him some kisses.

On the other hand, one thing I can honestly say I'm not thankful for is the absolute lack of brains that I have these days. Literally, no common sense - no memory, no wise insights.
Some examples for you:

- Today at church, a sweet acquaintance asked me what my new baby's name was. I looked at him, I looked at her, I looked back at him. I searched the room for someone to answer for me and no one spoke up. I literally could not remember it.
- On that note: I often refer to Benjamin as her, Elias, sweet girl, Ebug, and occasionally Glory.
- I've been so excited to hear what all my pregnant friends are having. Specifically Christy, I waited for a whole week thinking about! When she announced she was having a boy, I squealed with delight, posted on her facebook & blog and even talked to Nick about it. Today when I saw her at church, the first thing I said was, "YOU FIND OUT THIS WEEK WHAT YOU'RE HAVING!"
- Honestly, when I started writing this blog - I had a lot more examples, sorry - they're gone now.

Oh well, who needs brains.
Here is a sweet video of Elias "reading". Now that is a kid with some smarts!

I need a market tote, baaad.

gas drops
baby doll
bubbles
size one diapers
size five diapers
size four diapers
wipes
bottles
burp rags
chapstick
c-section medicine
hooter hider
boppy
glory's bow
the random shoe that glory took off
water bottle
passy for benjamin
itzbeen
oh yeah, cell phone
animal crackers
milk cups one and two

...........
That's my list. I think, in full. (it's always growing) The things I genuinely need to take care of the three of these sweet children. This week I've mastered getting the three of them up the stairs without busting my c-section wide open, but I cannot get all the accoutrements upstairs or downstairs or in the kitchen or out of the bathroom with the babes too.

So I started to remember seeing mamas carrying these great little handy buckets. And I started looking, and looking, and looking (online, of course) for where I could find one.
I need one like, yesterday.

So while I'd really like this one from The Container Store....



I'm going to settle for this one from amazon.com, since it's about $15 cheaper.
Thank you Lord for market totes.

no words needed

i should be sleeping

Benjamin is working out some gas, Nick is watching Man vs. Wild, and
I should be sleeping - but I'm too excited to sleep!
(warning, I told you I don't have a lot going on - so don't expect something earth shattering)

I did end up venturing out tonight, without baby or kiddos, to take a quick trip to Walmart to return some diapers & look around for a minute. I have to say, the goods at wally world so impressed me, I decided to blog about it.

For barely any money, I got two really nice pair of workout pants and a cute little summer dress! I have to say, if you look, Walmart has amazing clothes for psycho-cheap prices. Here are some examples of things I didn't buy - but found online:




Both of those were $15 or under, crazy right?
And there kids clothes are honestly really cute for about half the price of Target.
Walmart, you impress me.

thoughts on three

Like yesterday's post explained - there isn't much changing in our world these days, not too much excitement. I think Nick and I will maybe venture out with the kids today, just somewhere really simple & thrilling for them - so we don't all start to get stir crazy. I'm a massive homebody and all of a sudden, yesterday around 6pm, I needed to atleast know there was a possibility of me leaving the house at some point or I thought I might explode. Other than going on a short walk with the fam yesterday, I haven't left the house since we went to get Benjamin from the NICU on Saturday.

Kiddo update: One thing I would like to remember about this season is how mature Elias is becoming. I suppose something about being the older, older brother is making him into quite the understanding little man. He genuinely enjoys being around Benjamin, but is also so much more intentional in his play with Glory - almost like he knows he has to distract her from the eight-pounder stealing her thunder. This morning during our normal cuddle time, he was totally confused about where his baby was (napping in the guest room) and was not comforted until he just tiptoed in to check and make sure he was ok. It really just blesses my heart.

Gloriana - well, she is still pretty unsure. I was so excited for her to meet Benjamin because she genuinely likes babies so much - but he is one baby she isn't too fond of, yet. I'm sure one day soons she'll want to hold him and kiss him, but right now there is just enough animosity in her to make us have to keep them a few feet apart. However, in all other areas of life - she's doing just fine. Walking alllll around the house, learning all sorts of new words, & getting more breathtakingly beautiful by the second. She is that scary kind of pretty - not at all put together or proper, but she has that wild fire in her eyes and a sweet awkward confidence in her movements. Nick and I are both stunned by her every few days, at how quickly she is turning into a little girl.

Benjamin is, well - more than we deserve. When I was first pregnant with him, Lauren & I jokingly prayed that he would be a "fat, happy, sling baby"... the kind of third baby that comes along and eats, sleeps, and stays on a nice little schedule. Towards the end of my pregnancy, the Lord started to change my heart and showed me that even if he was a skinny, pissed off, constantly needing to be held baby - that would be ok, and he would still be an amazing blessing. So far, almost a week in, he is really more than I ever could have prayed for. He eats well, sleeps well, and has himself on a fine little schedule - he is even more predictable than the other two at this point. Even his awake times are just really pleasant. Now, any day, the other shoe could drop & we could have a screamer on our hands - but even so, he has won our hearts for sure.

In general, so far, I feel like the Lord has given me way more peace, way more sleep, way more time to read the Bible than a woman should have with a 2.5 year old, a one year old, & a week old bebe. I do also have a seriously servant-minded husband, which makes all the difference in the world, and I would say my only complaint is that I'm missing him a little since we're playing "zone" instead of "man to man". I have no idea what that means, but he says it alot. Plus my post c-section body is still way too sore to try and cuddle up to him just yet, but soon and very soon I'm sure we'll be doing a coffee date and talking about life.

How about a video? Just to keep it interesting:)
This is Benjamin leaving the nicu - my favorite part is the nurses coming to take his picture at the end, I should have charged them for their papparazzi ways.

the first & last time I quote Tom Cruise

I was watching Oprah a few years ago & she was interviewing Tom Cruise, asking him about Suri and what happened when she was born & how they all went m.i.a. for a few months. He said that him, Katie, & their whole family just went to some vacation home right after Suri was born and they all lived on "suri-time", doing everything together, just loving on their family. I can't think of many times where I think someone should quote Tom Cruise, but I've always remembered that and wanted an after-baby time to look like.

Unfortunately, I've never really given the effort that requires. I've been into running errands, getting back to church, going shopping, or doing other normal things right after I have a baby - to just make sure everyone knows (including myself) that I'm efficient. Usually, a few days in, I freak out and have a mental breakdown. Then a few weeks later, I throw my back out or something weird because I don't really heal from pregnancy or c-sections or any of that semi-traumatic stuff.

So, this time is different. We're all on Elias-Glory-Benjamin time. We're doing lots of cuddling, reading, movie watching, playing, feeding, singing, dancing, and resting. It's been actually wonderful. So here are a few pictures of our most recent cuddling.
That's all the update I really have to give for now. And that is REALLY sweet.