winds of change.

This morning I told Nick that I felt like the "flash-forward" version of myself.

If we were in a sitcom a few years ago and thinking about marriage and children, I would've had a flash forward and imagined the worst - myself, but not myself. 

No makeup, many babies running around, desheveled - with glasses on and coffee in hand. 

Thankfully - I know this version is absolutely not the worst version of myself, it's a bump in the road for sure - but right where Jesus wants me. The picture that I wanted to be here: a successful, peaceful, beautiful, luxurious mama is not really the goal I'm after any more. When Glory charges at me from across the room, or Elias cudddles up next to me, or when Benj dies laughing at me - they really like what they see, and that's good. 

Anyhow, my realization that I'm living in the flash-forward has kicked my little (hahahahahaha) rear into gear. It's time to use what I've got. I don't have a ton of money so I can't go buy a new wardrobe. I also can't quite decorate my house the way I'd like to, but I can absolutely improvise with what I've got in the closet and plan how I'd love to affordably decorate once we're able. 

So, here is step 1: 

(me wearing earrings that are not my normal pearls 

& a pre-pregnancy shirt I dug out of my closet) 

(and 2/3 of the cutest kids in the world) 

Step 2 is inspiration: 

(some websites I've been perusing) 

http://annamariahorner.blogspot.com

http://promisetangemanblog.com/category/vintage

http://www.cardiganempire.com

(and my friend Kim's house. If you know Kim B., tell her to start a blog PLEASE)

So that's where I'm starting.

  Earrings and inspiration. 

new years resolution

It's not January, but it's the beginning of my 25th year and this blog has been sitting in my head too long. So now it's time to put it on the ever-present internet to begin the work. 

• I want to become a better listener. I really don't like bad listeners and I'm one of the worst. 
• I want to start the process of becoming a no-yelling household. My husband is amazing at this. I honestly can't think of more than two or three times in nine years he has raised his voice at anyone. I can think of two or three times today that I did. I'm starting the prohibition of yelling in the Connolly house, starting with me. 
• I want to start wearing all the accessories & shoes I own. More earrings than my massive pearls, more headbands than the feather one, more shoes than the rainbows and black flats. They're in the closet and it's time for them to come out. (confession: while I did wear RED HEELS in The Beautiful Mess photoshoot, I did also wear the standby pearls. Change starts slowly.) 
• I'm going to ask people to help me watch my kids, every once in a while - so I can get time away with Nick and alone time with the other bebes. I have tons of friends who offer & I never take them up on it, I'm going to start. 
• I will use the teeth bleaching kit that I bought when I had Glory. 
• I will have my wedding rings cleaned at some point this year. 
• I would really like to beef up on my hospitality skills. I know I just came out of a weird season with New Beginnings, but now that our family has personal space again - I think God is showing me this is definitely an area I enjoy to serve in. Candles lit, muffins out, guests in the guest bedroom - I'm happy. 
• I am going to stop making snap judgements of people & deciding whether or not we'd be good friends. That's for Jesus to decide. 

(ok, that's only the beginning) 

modeling is hard work

Today we were blessed to have a family 

photoshoot done by The Beautiful Mess. 

What a precious gift from God the Lannings are! 

But, to tide you over - Glory and I, tapped out, on the sofa

we have struck so many poses and now we are tired. 

What? We're never tired! But today, we are.

super blessed!

Having guests is always fun! 

Having friends who you really want to catch up with be your guests is even more fun!

Having guests who happen to be the best photographers in America & take pictures of your beautiful children is 

the best!

Please go here to understand why I might be beside myself thrilled. 

tiny fruits

Teaching the Bible, or biblical principles for that matter, to babies is definitely not my forte. It's so great to do, they need to hear those seeds this early - but there is only so much they can understand - so I have to break it down seriously simple. Last weekend I went berry-picking with Elias and realized that the idea of God planting seeds in them is a great place to start.... hence, the fruits of the spirit. They haven't yet understood their need for a Savior but they can slowly begin to understand the things growing in them 

and the desires God is giving them. (i pray)

So, the fruits of the spirit. 

Here is my plan for slowly at least getting these words into their heads. 

We may do little projects or it may just be incorporating the fruit 

words into my teaching/correction time... or praying for them one at at time.

Love: to learn about love we're focusing on...

 physical touch (something they don't need help to do), 

spending time together, 

& obeying/honoring (of course). 

Joy: besides praying for joy we're doing...

good old-fashioned dancing and singing

and praying for joy right after naps when the blood sugar is usually a little low

(funny side note: during our joy dance to nelly furtado yesterday, Elias got carried away and ran to the other side of the house to grab a marker to color the wall. It was so sweet because he was really just feeling expressive and delighted, 

but I kind of freaked and of course, had to stop him!)

Peace: I'm mostly trying to use peace when there is whining going on or

when the babes want to make a demand like "movies! milk! movies! milk!"

Patience: Well, they're one a half and two and a half with a small baby brother. 

If I try and tell you all the ways we work on patience, I'd still be writing in twelve hours. 

Kindness: good words & gifts for others

good deeds (going & grabbing Benj's passy when he needs it) 

Goodness: SHARING and premeditated sharing are our big focuses here. 

Faithfulness: I'm trying to use this word in relation to obedience & trusting Mommy

when she asks for obedience. That's certainly how the Lord tests my faithfulness:). 

Gentleness: If you've met Glory, you're laughing right now. 

Self Control: Pretty self explanatory but some ways I'm directly applying this principle

(or trying) are things like Elias laying quietly while he takes naps in a big boy bed now & Glory not splashing Mommy during bathtime. 

Ok, I'd love any suggestions for our little study! 

It is definitely going to take some time to start applying all these fruits

(probably the rest of their lives) 

but we have to start somewhere! 

This is me, at Starbucks, smiling.

Why? Cause that was one of the best birthdays ever. Honestly, I expected to have to suck it up & be a mama and not get time with Nick and just deal with it, but it was a really sweet day. Here's why: 

- Nick's clock was set wrong this morning so he had 45 extra minutes and made me breakfast. 

- Kalle, Marilee, & Annie all came over for a breakfast playdate. 

- I had an Atkins cheat day and ate all of the following: chocolate chip pancakes, biscuits, brownies, cookies, fries, pizza, and granola. 

- Right before I put her to bed, Glory said (for the first time unwarranted)

 "I love you Mommy!" ugh, heart is on the floor melted. 

- Elias took a nap for the second day in a row in a big bed, 

making my life soooo much easier around naptime!

- My husband had an amazing first day at Re:Train. 

- I had 99 birthday wishes on facebook when I came to check my email tonight, SERIOUSLY? I didn't know 99 people even knew my name. 

- This is the last night I'll have to come to Starbucks to check email since our internet gets installed tomorrow! 

- I read these blogs by my mama & Lauren, sooooo sweet. 

- My husband got me the sweetest card ever. 

- The barista at Starbucks just said, "Didn't you just order the same drink in the drive-thru a few hours ago?" Yes, barista I did and I don't feel ashamed - thanks to sweet sbucks giftcards from Annie & Kalle. 

- I planned a playdate with Kelly today, and I really love her. 

- I got to talk to my sister, who is a stay at home mom - YAY! - like three times today. 

- Did I mention the atkins cheat day? 

- I got to read my Bible & continue my study on Ephesians six. (righteousness, righteousness, righteousness - that's what I'm trying to figure out, not what I'm full of) 

- Phone calls with Mere, and a sweet message from Laura T & one from Stacy, too. 

- Oh, and my kids made NINE dirty diapers today. Normally, that would make me ill & sick but today it made me PROUD. Good job kiddos, nine poops is nothing to hide. 

No sleeping in, no time alone (except these few minutes at Starbucks while the kids are sleeping), no shopping or extravagant parties... but such a sweet day.

 I feel overly blessed, too much.

quarter life inventory

I turn 25 in two days. 

I feel a bit like my life has been on fast-forward for the last quarter of a century and I pray that it is slowing down to a "normal" pace. I mean, what's normal? Some things I think I've rushed into sinfully, somethings I think God has brought us to a bit quicker, but either way - I'm twenty-five with a family of five; and I couldn't be more thrilled. 

What the future holds seems pretty uncertain & that feels pretty sweet. 

Boston, eventually. 

Bellevue, for now. 

Growing in the grace & knowledge of Jesus feels like a full task and one that I'm truly excited to take on tomorrow and the next day and the next. 

Today I was thinking about growth and how much my husband has grow in the four years we've been married, and in all - the eight years we've been together. If I really think about it, it's sort of like Jesus just threw some Miracle Grow all up on his sanctification process. He is a sinner for certain, but let me tell you - that man is a fighter. He fights constantly to be in God's will, fights constantly to learn as much as he can, fights constantly to serve the Lord well in all He does. So sometimes it's easy to get discouraged, seeing how much he's grown and wondering if I've run as hard alongside him. 

But then, in thinking - I'm overwhelmed with the hand of God and how I see Him changing and molding. My sin seems always before me, but he has changed it - ripped some of the gross roots out completely, funneled my heart in different directions and for that - I'm thankful. Jesus has done some change and I'm not the girl I was in high school, or college, or even the young lady I was a year ago. 

My sister and I always talk about how great it would be to just truly know who God has made us to be inside and out, without having to figure it out through trial and error. Some people know they are scrapbookers, know they are thrifty, or have a gut feeling that they're messy - I've had to sort of go through the list and ask myself, then ultimately - ask Jesus -

 "Is that who I am?". So here's what I know so far. 

I'm a mommy. 

All of a sudden, both Elias and Glory call me this - no more mama, just mommy. Mama has always sounded magical & loving, while Mommy is 

the one with pizza sauce on her shirt. I'm a Mommy now. 

I really like coffee and I really like spending time with Nick.

If I don't have enough coffee or I don't get time with my husband, 

I have to sort of watch my emotions or I'll cry about anything. 

I need to read the Bible every single day. 

There is no getting around it, I always tell Nick that I feel better if I just put my hand on the outside of my Bible, it truly is my sword and without it, I will also cry too easily. 

Oh, on that note - I'm emotional. 

No use being ashamed of it any longer. 

I live too far from my family & 

I'm not sure how to reconcile that with our life plans. 

God has called us to Boston, but I want to live in the same neighborhood with my Mom & sister and I don't know how that works out, but those are the facts. 

I'm an introvert. 

I do an o.k. job faking it in public, but it's true. 

If I'm in a room of too many people, I can't taste food & I feel a little sick to my stomach. 

If you meet me and think I'm too loud, too silly, or too weird - 

please give me a shot and have a one on one conversation with me

so I can actually be thinking straight, thanks. 

I'm the opposite of tedious. 

I'm sensitive. 

I don't need a lot of sleep to survive. 

I have a really, really underdeveloped palette. (food-taste wise)

[once I thought an onion was a water chestnut]

My favorite color is purple. 

I don't like to dress up. 

I'm bad at long-distance friendships. 

Anyhow, it took me twenty-five years to figure all that, what in the world 

am I going to figure out in the next twenty five? Maybe somewhere inside of me

 I like sports? Or is that part of my sanctification process to bless my husband? 

Well, bring it - year 26. 

provision

Sometimes I feel like God's provision is a little messy & something we shouldn't talk about because it's shameful or when people are involved, a little weird. But, I think God should get glory all the time when he takes care of us and so I'm going to use this little blog to do just that. I won't list names of the people who've helped us, though I'd really like to, because I don't want to embarrass them and because I know they are giving and generous not for praise, 

but for love. 

So, thank you Jesus and thank you so much to the people 

who have been so giving and helped us through

 this time with a gift or a loan. 

This month our rent, our massive car repair bill, cell phone, and a few trips to the grocery store have been taken care of. Also, Nick has been working for a sweet friend who offered him work to help us through this time. And as of last night, two very crazy people paid for our internet and basic cable for a year. A whole year. Is that for real? Any of it? 

While my diligent husband works super hard to find a job that will provide for us, I'm so thankful for God's provision that really never lapses - not during a tough economy, not during a job transition, not during a move. He always shows up, always provides. Gift giving is the major way I show love for people and not being able to do it in medium-sized or big ways for a while is hard for me, but I can't wait to give back to these people. To call them & say we've paid for a plane ticket for them to come visit, or a fruit bouquet on their front door, or some groceries for them as well. I can't wait. 

Until then, thanks Jesus & thanks friends/family. 

this week's verses

Here are some verses I am trying to marinate my heart in this week. 

do NOTHING out of selfish ambition 

or vain conceit, 

but in humility consider others better than yourselves. philippians 2:3

and also, 

do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. philippians 4:6-7 

do NOTHING for yourself and don't worry about ANYTHING. 

those are some serious absolutes, woosh. 

and here is a sweet picture, just to make your day: 

she can keep nothing clean when it's spaghetti time 

& she will eat almost anything; Glory likes absolutes too. 

this week's dinners

Here's what we're eating this week, WHAT ARE YOU EATING? 

(I need ideas for next week)

monday: my own special chicken concoction

shredded chix

whole wheat pasta

pasta sauce

olives (cause Glor likes them)

tuesday: breakfast for dinner

eggs (except Glor cause she's allergic)

whole wheat pancakes, with chocolate chips for the babes

bacon (I love lowcarb dining) 

biscuits*

wednesday: turkey meatloaf (made in muffin tins for kidfriendlyness) 

& cornbread

thursday: turkey dogs & french fries

(just to keep it real) 

and also, some southern chili to throw on top of

the hot dogs. 

friday: taco salad

(my favorite food in the whole world) 

lowcarb-wise, I'll be eating grilled chix & spinach salads, obvi.

frozen berries & whip cream, and string cheese when I can steal it from Elias. 

If you come to my house for a playdate this week, you'll probably get blueberry muffins with some other fun item thrown in (chocolate chips, bananas, or granola if you're lucky). 

And the grocery bill this week will come to.....

$30.79!

Much lower this week due to a grocery run made by Pop & Kiki before they left last week and due to me starting to use coupons! I have to say, I've scoured all the coupon websites and weekly ads and it's hard to find coupons for staples, which is what I cook mostly with... but I'm trying nonetheless! (you are definitely right, Suzannah!!) 

ok, seriously - what are you guys eating? 

picture essay

My mama said she is having a hard time picturing us as a family of five, since when she last left - Benjamin slept about 22 hours per day and we had only been out of the hospital for a hot minute. 

So here is a photo essay for you, Nonny. 

And for all the grandparents. 

And for everyone else, too. 

this is Benjamin. 

aka "fatty patty". 

This is Glory busting into B's photoshoot. 

She plays with these blinds about 16 times a day

even though she knows she will get in trouble for it. 

These are Benj's sweet cheeks. 

Sometimes Nick and I ask him if they hurt him 

because they're so heavy. 

This is Glory's new picture face. She makes it everytime

I even pull out the camera. She thinks she's smiling:). 

Here is sweet Benj laughing at me with the sweet

runners in the background during their laps. 

They run from the front door to the back of the dining 

room 8gillion times per day. 

just another lap. 

While Glory naps, sometimes Elias asks to hold Benjamin. 

They both love to cuddle, a lot. 

Then they get glassy-eyed & think 

"man, it's hard to hold these cheeks up all day". 

Then Glory wakes up and we do snack time in our bumbos. 

Elias likes to get up first, Glory finishes ALL of her crackers. 

And there is the sweet picture taking face again. 

Oh, & her hurt toe all bandaged up. 

Typical. 

Benjamin is learning to play with toys &

to be really secure in his manhood since he lives in this 

pink boppy. But look how tough he looks!

ohhhhh, Tuesdays.

The best thing about Tuesdays is they just HAVE to be better than Mondays. 

On Sunday, Pastor Mark encouraged us, well - just told us, 

to nightly count the evidences of God's grace in our lives. 

Sunday night, my husband encouraged me, well, 

TOLD me I need to be doing the same. 

Monday was rough and it was hard to see God's grace, but it was there - for certain.

Tuesday was just extra special because I didn't have too look far for grace, it was jumping out all over the place

A morning playdate with newish friends. 

Gloriana setting her affections on sweet James. 

An encouraging word from sweet Annie. 

I yelled one time and then thought - 

"this is the first time I've yelled all day!"

Then, I apologized. 

All three children napping (AT THE SAME TIME) for about thirty minutes. 

<>

Then Nick gave me an hour and a half off to go 

on a coffee date with Kalle, Pearce, & Benjamin. 

I'd like to quote Kalle who said, 

"We have the greatest job, huh?" 

over coffee and grocery savings talk. 

agreed. 

Then Glor & Elias helped cook enchiladas and we all 

laughed, laughed, laughed. 

Elias decided it was time for his first tattoo. (I think he has an amazing role model)

Glory decided it was time for her first ponytail. 

I went in thirty minutes after the kids were in bed, 

Gloriana had pulled her "bow" out & Elias was still looking at his sweet car "tattoo". 

Now Benjamin & Daddy are laughing on the sofa. 

Wednesday might be hard, but today it was easy 

to see and be thankful for evidences of grace.

Thank you Jesus for loving us & being the best part of our family. 

a case of the mondays

One of the fun parts of having three babies so close together is that your oldest two go through the "terrible twos" together. Today, I was that mom. I woke up early, had some time with Jesus, I promise I could almost hear birds chirping as I cooked breakfast. Took Glory & Benjamin grocery shopping, fed them all a nutritious lunch and ahhhh.... here it comes, my reward! Naptime! I decided to be a multi-tasker and pre-cook dinner so I could relax later and that's when it all went south.

Elias took NO nap. Benjamin took about a thirty minute nap. Glory woke up about an hour & a half early. That's ok! Let's still try and conquer the world, babes! I decided to get us out of the house so Nick could unpack and off we go, to the library! Then the Starbucks! We'll be back at six to throw the chicken in the oven, miss you Daddy!

Did you know that it is not just a stereotype that librarians say "shhhhh"?
Nope, if you have a screaming 16 month old in a library - she will walk over and loudly say "shhhh" in your face. That's for real.

Also, one of your toddlers may have the strength in their sweet little arms to
shatter a pastry plate at Starbucks. Too bad you didn't see which one,
I don't think it matters when you have to call and apologize.
Oh and if your boy toddler flails himself on the ground in the Starbucks parking lot and takes his shoes off because you just threw his "treat" in the trash (I mean, you have to after the plate is shattered) - don't freak out. Just laugh (hahahahahaha) and then discipline him in the car.

Disclaimer: I don't write this post to shame my children. I love them like nuts and they are a huge sign of God's grace in my life.
At dinner they had me smiling and laughing like the whole day was erased.
They are sixteen months and 30 months, life is hard for them with no naps. They're sinners and they need grace and sometimes they need blogs written about them - just to say,
Seriously, Ya'll?

I just want all you mamas to know, it's not just you. We all have days like that.
(Say you have days like that, PLEASE!)

But here is a picture of how I feel after today:

grocery games, updated & then some

Ok, reeeaaal quick.

I'm not going to turn into one of those crazy grocery-savings-recipes blogs. Promise.
Even though I do read them.

However, you may have noticed the lack of internet activity because, well - we need to save the mula these days (by not having internet at home) and I'm attempting to do that very fervently with our groceries as well.

I had previously heard that $1000.00/month was very typical for a family of five.
So I made my goal $600.00/month.
Which means, I make my weekly goal $100.00/week to account for random trips & overages.
So, it's 10pm at night and I'm about to go grocery shopping. (I've spent two hours planning to make this trip!) Last week I did it for $102.00 and actually almost choked, I was so shocked. Tonight, I've got my list down and I've added it all up on our grocery store's website and I've got my total down to $98.76! WOOO HOO!

So, here's what we're eating this week:
(monday) chicken divan
(tuesday) beef enchiladas
(wednesday) chicken fajitas
(thursday) I'm leaving open for leftovers or something random
since my Dad & Judith are in town
(friday) tuna melts & steamed veggies

Since I'm doing super-low carb eating, I'll be eating:
lots and lots of spinach salad with chicken and sour cream (my staple)
frozen blueberries & light whipped cream
& a spoonful of peanut butter if I'm good!

For lunch, the babes will have:
turkey dogs
spinach quesadillas
pb&jelly
mac n' cheese
and leftovers!

All for $98. 76.
woosh.

update, update! I postponed my trip to this morning so I could have my
wits about me and got the bill down to $87.86.
(but I did forget the sweet potatoes)
Saving money on groceries may be my new obsession.

Someone asked for the recipes so here they are!
This week I'm using recipes from 5 Dollar Dinners, a blog that Kalle suggested.
Chicken Divan
Beef Enchiladas
Chicken Fajitas
& Tuna Melts

I actually don't use coupons (yet) because our grocery store doesn't issue store coupons. I clipped about six hundred coupons this weekend, but they were all manufacturer coupons - and mostly all for toiletries - no basic food items. The grocery store we use, Albertsons, doesn't issue store coupons but they do have amazing club card deals so that's what I scouted out online before I went shopping - then wrote down exactly brand to buy and what the highest I should pay per unit was, based off of the online prices.

Some tips/tricks I used this week:
- Bought frozen chicken strips instead of fresh chicken,
will cook it then shred/cube it for recipes (also saves time cooking)
- Bought Jiffy blueberry muffin mix for playdates
($.88 instead of like $3 for fancier muffins)
- Making my own cheese & enchilada sauces instead of buying them
- Using $.69 taco seasoning instead of buying cumin & chili powder
(two staples I'm out of since leaving New Beginnings)

ok, I promise I'll leave this blog alone for now!