17/19

So I'm at the tailend of a scary little stretch. 

For seventeen of nineteen days, I was alone with my kids for the better part of most days. Nick is actually working his cute little tail end off to take care of us, working two jobs while getting his master's so for this particular little stretch, I had to kind of suck it up and deal. 

I almost blogged about it at the beginning of it, but what do you say?

I'm scared? Pray for me? It's going to be great?!

Sometimes I feel the need to explain to people how different having three kids under three is, but in general - that gets tiring & while it's hard to explain how difficult it can be, it's impossible to describe simultaneously what a blessing it is. 

So, I went into my 19 day stretch hopeful & not too scared. I also started my little p90x/healthiness adventure at the same time and while that my sound stupid to take on, it was actually a nice distraction and the energy level help was a big boost. Still, our house is not huge and a massive chunk of those days I was without a car or cell phone, so it was a challenge for sure. 

Well here's what happened:

a. I made it. (almost - I have five more days) 

b. My kids and I got about a billion times closer. 

c. I realized that I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself because this is a hard season. My story right now is having three small children and a tight budget. I can love this story and respond well to the evidences of God's grace in my life & I have not been. 

d. My husband is extremely supportive and any opportunity he had to bless me with coffee, an early arrival, a special treat, or an hour off - he did. 

e. I found out that 4pm is a scary time for everyone. The best way to get to 5pm is Benjamin napping, big kids in the bath, & Mommy watching with a [big] cup of coffee. 

f. My kids REALLY like photobooth on the mac. Especially Glory. Here is evidence: 

So, bring it on - normal week. I'll own you. 

Because Saturday is coming and I REALLY hope my husband doesn't have to work. 

And if all else fails, we'll just keep taking baths, drinking coffee & using photobooth. 

an essay on the princess.

Sometime last weekend, Miss Gloriana pointed at herself and said, "I pwincess". 

I giggled & said, "Well, yes - you are baby". 

I'm sure her dad & I have called her this as a pet name before, even though I'm sure it's not one we use too commonly. I just thought, well she picked up on that quick. 

The more I thought about it, though, I wondered about how she understood. We don't have a single princess movie or book and while she loves to play with my earrings, makeup, & headbands - she is just as happy watching cars or playing trucks with her brother. 

Then this Saturday, Nick took the kiddos to the library to check out some new movies and he said when he saw Cinderella, Glory immediately started just shreaking, 

"PRINCESS! PRINCESS! PRINCESS!"

When she walked in the door and showed me her new movie, what did I hear but - 

"PRINCESS! PRINCESS! PRINCESS!"

After lunch, during her "nap", she did nothing but stand up in her crib screaming - 

"PRINCESS! PRINCESS! PRINCESS!"

So, that's how I came to be sitting on the couch watching Cinderella with Gloriana on a Saturday afternoon when we both should have been napping. 

Well, typical Glor, she watched for about ten minutes, then got up to go wander around the room. But true to her normal self, the second any music came on - she shot her hands up in the air, waving and dancing. She loves music, loves to dance, to sway, to think on things that a princess would. But the love part? She has no time for that. No time to watch the romance develop, no time to watch the prince pursue... she just wants to skip to the part where the princess gets to dance. 

So, I don't have any shame in the fact that my daughter loves to think about being a princess, because surely she is. I pray that one day she will count herself as a daughter of our heavenly family and I think in Jesus' eyes - she will be one of the most lovely princesses ever. Until then, I can't help but learn from her. Play a good worship song that moves me, and these hands will shoot right up. Lay hands on a friend for prayer and I'll be right there. But when it's Saturday afternoon and I'd rather play - is there room in my heart to pay attention to the pursuit of my King? Moreover, as the story unfolds and I realize it has nothing to do with my glory and everything to do with His - will I keep reading? These silly jewels look like dull rocks in comparison to the crown of thorns that my Prince is wearing. 

There's a lot more to being a princess than dancing. 

Four months?

The other day I just about cried when I realized that my sweet Benjamin was three months old. Then, wait! Hold the phone! I did the math and about screamed when I realized that my mommy brain had skipped a whole month and he was REALLY FOUR MONTHS OLD. I'm not sure how I've gotten so stupid but I swear to you, I don't remember all of June 2009. Not a single day. Did it actually happen? (July I remember being hot, August I remember being a little less hot and my birthday & September has just been a joy so far - but June; I got nothing.)

So I reread this blog. Oh boy, what a scary time it was a year ago this week when I found out I was pregnant. I was just scared to death. I really genuinely did not believe I could handle three children and I'll tell you the truth: some mornings, I still feel the same way but the reality is - Benjamin Haddon Connolly is one of the greatest blessings in my whole life. I don't think there is any word to describe our relationship other than boyfriend & girlfriend. This season is pretty hard, pretty tiring - but most of the best parts of my days have something to do with Benjamin. Either Glory tickling him calling him "benda" or Elias hysterically laughing with him, or the sweet minutes where we just get to stare into each other's eyes. 

So for posterity sake, let me tell you some details about this big boy: 

• He LOVES his siblings. Loves them. If he sees Elias or Glory, he can't help but smile.
• Our family calls him Benja so much that if I randomly say 'Benjamin', I feel silly. 
• His favorite song is Everything's Alright from Jesus Christ Superstar. No joke, I sing it before each nap. (just the mary part)
• Big Benja has literally no muscle tone. He's flirting with twenty pounds and doesn't roll over or sit up. I mean - I wouldn't cross him in a bar fight or anything, but he's pretty much a couch potato. 
• Both of my big-kids are suckers for their Daddy, but this one is a massive mommy fan, which I more than appreciate. He looks at me like an obsessed fan at a cheesy lovey-dovey soft rock concert and I looooove it. Too bad he has no clue I love him way more than he could even imagine. 
• In true couch potato fashion, Benjamin loves tv. If we would let him, I think he'd lay in his boppy all day and watch anything. So - he & Elias are the ones I'll probably have to ration the couch-cudding time for. 
• I think I may have been right about my Vince Vaughan prediction so far but he also slightly resembles Jack Nicholson with that sneaky smile and arched eyebrows. 

ok, some of my fave pics of my big four month old. 

I love you sweet Benja, son of my right hand. 

You bring your mama and daddy great joy & I pray that you are great before the Lord. 

I can't imagine a better surprise than you. 

built-in babysitters.

When I was 11 and my sister was 14, my mom & stepdad (and God, mostly) blessed the world with my sweet sister Caroline. So everyone, the whole time my mom was pregnant & the whole time Caroline was growing up, constantly talked about what great built-in babysitters she had. I don't know if we really were - I bet Katie was, but anyhow. In honor of Caroline's fourteenth birthday & her first high school girl's party tonight... here are some pictures of my kiddos. None of them could babysit the other or someone would call DSS on me and for good reason. They do REALLY like each other though.  Just some recent pics. 

this picture took about six hundred to get one

this is the ultimate pic of my mellow boys and not-so-mellow little girl

precious.
loving sister. 
they all have the same resting face. 
delicious
benja trying out the jumper in a rare moment of solitude
two of the kiddo's best friends - James & Cole
No, you don't look suspicious.      
these are their other two best friends, who they wish would come back from vacation already. 

so does their mama:) 

Ok. That's all. 

p90x.

Where do I start? I love this stuff. 

So, definitely check out the website, because I can't really even begin to describe it's awesomeness. But basically - p90x is a fitness program based on the idea of muscle confusion. It's comprised of twelve different videos that you do in different rotations depending on where you are during the program. I'm doing the lean version that is more cardio, less weight training but it is certainly kicking my little tail into gear. 

So here's my little infomercial minus a video:

You should do it.

I genuinely don't know many people who are more out of shape than I was after having Benjamin. Three pregnancies and the last one half spent on modified bedrest - really walking a mile was a massive accomplishment just after I had him. When I started p90x, I knew I wasn't totally ready for it, but someone had gifted us with it and so I decided to just jump in & do my best and if I didn't make it thru the whole hour each day, no big deal. 

Well, of course I didn't make it thru the whole hour. The first day I did about 45 minutes and puked. Day Two, I made it to about 50 minutes but kept my food down. Now I'm ten days in and I can make it thru all most all of the videos, it's not pretty all the time - but I get them done. The videos are super fun and fast paced. They always go quicker than I expect and are incredibly, incredibly motivating. I think with most at-home videos, it's easy to kind of do it halfway - but these actually make me want to work harder and harder and harder. 

So, results wise - I've lost a few pounds, gained a massive amount of energy and I feel like my flexibility and physical ability has doubled. Carrying the kids is easier and just doing daily life is more simple when my body is starting to cooperate. 

If you want more info, here are two beachbody coaches I highly suggest:

Demi Bean (who is actually going to be helping advertise for p90x on QVC soon!)

& Jessica Noy (who is also a stay at home mom with FOUR kids) 

Speaking of stay at home moms, I would super suggest this program for stay at home moms, working moms, future moms, grandmoms, dads, and anyone else in general. It's not too hard to find an hour in the day to get away, I mean sometimes it's hard but not impossible:). Plus, you cut out drive to & from the gym and you don't need a ton of equipment really. A few weights, a band, and a yoga mat! 

Ok, I'm done now. I'm super excited to see what the next 80 days hold. 

project rehabilitation updated to-do list

(project rehabilitation phrase I use in my head to describe my fervent desire to undo three years of pregnancy, a year and a half of farm-living, & a life that doesn't remember high-heels) 

- begin p90x and sweat thru a workout each day

- quit fad diets and start eating clean - 5 small meals a day of healthy, natural food

- start wearing more earrings than just your pearls or blue flowers

- start wearing more earrings than just your pearls, blue flowers, or dangly metal ones

- wear shoes other than rainbows or tennis shoes atleast once a week

- figure.out.what.to.do.with.this.hair.now.

{sublist: - research hair masks again

-  pull out the velcro rollers, 

- wash three times in one week rather than twice}

- read some sort of magazine once a day to connect with culture

(thank you to my magazine benefactor, Jackie)

- paint nails & toenails matching color, preferably the cute 

orangey-red you saw in the nursing mom's room today

- try some outfit layering like cute Marcy at church today

- pull out the prepregancy clothes this week and pack up the maternity clothes. It's scary, but it must be done - even if they don't fit all the way yet, just do it. Hmph. 

It's going to be quite a busy week for me. 

not a natural.

What does it mean to really know someone? To get them? Knowing their favorites, their habits, their likes and dislikes? I'll tell you what - facebook and blogs and twitter, they give a false sense of knowing someone. Sometimes randomly, someone I don't know well, meaning in person, will make a comment about how they always knew I'd get married & have lots of babies. Or they always thought I was a natural at this. Seriously? Could you have given me a heads-up? Because I thought I was supposed to be something important to the world, someone that I deemed as necessary or needed or loved. 

Now let me back up, because you're probably thinking that I don't think being a mother and a wife is important - but I do. If I didn't love on my kids and change their diapers and make them muffins and read the bible to them, my husband wouldn't feel free, wouldn't feel totally safe in going to be the gospel in the world - whether he is doing it while working construction or at a church. He also couldn't provide for us, which I know makes him feel at peace. And, listen - it's not only indirect ministry by freeing him up to go, it is a very direct connection with a people group that has a deep need. Jesus is using my discipline to teach Elias that he is a sinner with a need to confess & be forgiven. He is using my love to teach all three of them that they are cherished by Him more than they'll ever understand. Most days, he teaches Glory and I at once in our failure to ask for help and roots out our stubborn, selfish, ridiculous desire to do it all ourselves. So, that's good. No - it's great. 

But this doesn't come naturally. What would come naturally to me would be something totally different. So, sometimes at playgroups and church and gatherings - I look around me at these women and it seems to come so natural. They really genuinely desire to be amazing wives and mamas, while most days I get there thru the back door. I wake up with my own agenda, pout for about 45 minutes and then work through the mental steps to remember that this is direct & indirect ministry and that it is important work Jesus is doing. And then, I want to do it. 

So most days, I ask Him - 'Hey, if You knew this is where I was headed - why didn't You prepare me for this? It may have been a little more of a smooth transition if I had dreamed of it or longed for it or if I really found joy in laundry? Don't you think?". On those days, I don't really get an answer from Him, but I feel conviction in my heart now to question His plan, so instead I choose to be thankful for it. I love it. I love it. I really love it, warning or not. 

So today, these words hit that spot and washed a balm over it. 

I hear the Savior say, 

"Thy strength indeed is small; 

Child of weakness, watch and pray, 

Find in Me thine all in all." 

Jesus paid it all, 

All to Him I owe; 

Sin had left a crimson stain, 

He washed it white as snow. 

For nothing good have I 

Whereby Thy grace to claim, 

I'll wash my garments white 

In the blood of Calv'ry's Lamb. 

And when before the throne 

I stand in Him complete, 

I'll lay my trophies down 

All down at Jesus' feet. 

Jesus paid it all, 

All to Him I owe; 

Sin had left a crimson stain, 

He washed it white as snow. 

And now I'm glad it doesn't come naturally. I'm relieved that at the end of the day, it is very simple to see what was Jesus and what was Jessi.

 The good He gets credit for, the rest was me. 

eating clean

Well, yikes this has been a week. And it's not even over yet! Agh!

I'm too tired to type. Too tired to think straight. 

So, this not a complete blog about our new diet/exercise regime but it's a partial. 

We're eating clean, small portions all day. Like five-seven times a day, woosh - that's a lot of cooking & preparing but it's nice to know we're eating healthily & I love having all my food ready at the beginning of the day. 

Here are some things I'm loving eating, all 300 calories or under. 

• English Muffin Chicken Pizza. Two halves of a multigrain english muffin with a little tomato sauce, 1/4 cup of mozzarella, and 2 oz. of chicken. Throw some spices on that mug & 10 minutes in the oven and you're in healthy eating heaven. 
• 1/2 cup of frozen blueberries, 2 tblspoons of nonfat plain yogurt, a squirt of agave nectar and 1 tblspoon of kashi cereal. Crunchy, refreshing, & sort of sweet. 
• Turkey Bacon BLT. Two slices of wheat bread, tiny tiny bit of organic ranch, 3 slices of turkey bacon, two pieces of lettuce, and a big whooping slice of tomato. 
• What Nick and I call 'proatmeal'. I think the eating plan we're doing called it that because you're supposed to put protein powder in it, but we don't have any yet so we're not doing that:). Proatmeal, however is fun to say & eat. 2/3 cup of oatmeal, 1/2 of blueberries, 2 tblspoons of walnuts, tblspoon of flaxseed & again - some agave for sweetness. I like it. 

Ok, that's about all the words my mind can handle right now. 

Any other healthy, under 300 calorie meals you guys want to suggest?

5 favorite things about Katie.

In lieu of the normal, "my 5 favorite things", here is a dedication 

to my sweet sister on her 28th birthday. 

1. I love that my sister has two names. People always ask, "Now is your sister's name Ruby or Katie" and I gladly reply both! She is fun enough for two names, beautiful enough for two names, sweet enough for two names and certainly giving enough for two names. She is Katherine Elizabeth by birth, and Ruby by love. Oh but why? Well - I don't know if there is really a concise answer to why except that we call her that and that makes me love her even more. 

2. I love the ways my sister spurs me on. She makes me want to be more generous, more giving, more uplifting, and more gentle everytime I speak to her. On her worst days, she still isn't stingy with her love or her possessions. She wants everyone she knows to have as many blessings possible and she wants to celebrate them. She genuinely wants good things for anyone & everyone and there is nothing in her that holds back. eg: Today, on her birthday, I got a card & a Starbucks gift card in the mail from her. Who does that?

3. She loves her kids and her husband something fierce. She knows they are really the greatest. 

4. Well, we can't do a top five of Katie without talking about her humor. Now maybe I only love it because it's almost identical to my little funny gene.... but who cares, we could laugh for fifteen hours together. Wait? Fifteen, make that 15,000,000. Most of my favorite memories laughing are with her. One time, my favorite of all, was on a beach trip with her and Josh when I was in high-school and we were playing spades and the two of them freestyle rapped for the entire spades games. Who does that? Someone funny. 

5. Now this is selfish, but true. I love the way my sister loves me. It is so much like Christ. She knows the very depth of my suckiness and still cherishes me (and I her). If I'm sad, she comes beside me and lifts me up. If I'm happy, she is more than happy for me. If I need Jesus - she is right beside me with scripture. She leaves it all on the floor, everyday. 

ok, because I can't stop myself:

my top five memories of Katie - 

1. When I was in elementary school and her & our babysitter conspired to convince me that the babysitter was murdering Katie and coming for me next - chasing me with a knife and soaking my sister in ketchup. I said she has a sense of humor. 

2. The night that Jesus saved my soul, I was looking dead into her eyes - thinking over and over again - I want that. I want that, whatever she has... I want that. 

3. Her entire involvement with Elias' birth. Wearing a specialty tshirt for him that said  "I love my nephew". Laying in bed with me (and falling asleep) while I was in labor. Sneaking into the hospital room during procedures and stealing a nurses uniform to get into the nursery to see Ebug. That's for real. 

4. Watching Katie and Josh videochat while she was out here visiting us a few months ago. They both changed clothes and got all fixed up to see one another - that is truly keeping the spark alive. 

5. Any & all conversations we've had about Jesus. They are always eye opening and life-giving for me. 

I love you K. 

So much. 

and the list goes on.

I'm a list person & all of a sudden, my lists have sublists and there are pages of pages in my all encompassing notebook of to-do's. One is this blog. I have a few posts mulling in my head that need to be written. 

So here are some sneak-peeks. 

a) a blog about my sweet sister, Katie - 

Ruby, whatever you want to call her. 

It's her birthday tomorrow & I could write about 30,000 words 

about her but a shorter post will definitely come. 

b) my new little business/blog. 

My etsy store is slowwwwly getting built & the domain name 

is bought for the all-in-one website. I can't wait to tell you all more about it. 

c) p90x & eating clean, complete with a guest blogger - Mrs. Kalle Stinson. 

I'll tell you two snippets: I threw up twice today during my workout (that is for real) & I can't find a way to make myself like cottage cheese. Any suggestions? 

& lastly - d) some Connolly kid updates. 

Those cuties are just amazing. 

yada, yada, yada - I love them. 

ok, stay tuned for all that thrilling stuff - alright? 

Ready? Set? Giveaway!

Tomorrow morning our sweet friends Leigh & Gray are hosting their first online giveaway to raise money for their adoption. It works by you donating $5 per item that you want and posting your name, the thing you want, & your contact info in the comment section on their giveaway blog. I am SUPER SUPER SUPER excited to see the amazing things she is giving away! I'm also excited because my new little adventure is donating a custom blog header or baby logo to help get her sweet baby home. My little custom blog header may be the least exciting thing on there, but I'm super excited to help Leigh & Gray, because they are going to be amazing parents. 

Check it out! And check it out again! And get some great stuff!

an essay on walking

There are things in life that are hard, but good & sometimes you choose them thinking they're good for you, pleasing to you. And they make you more like Christ, even though they don't make you more happy all the time. People tell you that they're hard and you pretend to listen - but you really think they're good. A little while later and you're waist deep and you believe those people now, but then you see Christ in yourself and you smile. Marriage, Mothering. Those things are like that. 

But there isn't a ton of stuff that you walk into knowing just how hard it is and still doing it willingly. Except when you walk and push three kids in a massive stroller a few times each week up and down the hills in your neighborhood. In the morning, I start thinking about. "oh poop. we have to go on a walk today. i need the exercise, they need to get out. i WILL do it." Then at lunch, "oh man - that walk is coming up". Then after naptime, I go ahead and tell the kids we're going on a w-a-l-k, just so I can't get out of it. Load up that massive train stroller and set out. 

Sure it's great that Glory is so happy her little toes twirl just above the pavement. It's sweet that Elias gets to see all the cars and the puppups and that he still thinks it is a small miracle that we can WALK to the store and don't even need a car. I appreciate that Benjamin looks  into the sunlight and falls asleep smiling at my grunting face that is glistening with sweat and is lit from behind by the brightness. All that stuff is nice, but I hate that walk. 

Every step, every psycho push up the hilly roads... I know how hard it is and I hate it and I hope I never have to do it again. But I know I'll do it again soon. But I guess life is full, each day is full of those things. 

Hard, heaving walks that seem fruitless and are worth more than our eyes can see. 

name that photo

If I was a cool, famous blogger - I'd have you all submit captions for this sweet pic of my sweet girl and give away a prize to the best one. 

However, I am not and I will not. 

However -  you will have my undying love and affection if you pick a good one. 

My caption: "When I have a daughter, she will NEVER wear pink!"

Nick's: Azteca Barbie. 

And also, while we're at it... 

If you've ever wondered how I take my children anywhere alone - here is your answer. 

That's our train, er- stroller. Enjoy!

cinema sensitivities

Is this a phenomenon of motherhood that no one told me about? 

Lately I've noticed a frightening trend. 

I genuinely can't enjoy any movies - specifically children's movies - 

if they have children in peril or any kind of maternal sadness.

Let me give you some examples: 

It all started with Monsters Inc., when I couldn't stop thinking 

about Boo's mother. Did she know Boo was missing? Had she called the police?

Why didn't she check the closet for monsters?! 

Then we moved on to Stuart Little and I was crying myself to 

sleep thinking about all the orphans in the US, in the world... wondering if 

there is a family for them. 

And don't get me started on the river scene from Prince of Egypt. 

That I know that story is true only makes it harder. 

And THEN this? If you haven't seen Lemony Snicket's, maybe don't. 

About six times while Nick and I were watching it, I said, "I shouldn't be watching this"

and I kept doing it anyhow. What a horrible, scary movie! Those poor kids!

That poor sweet baby that reminds me of Glory, yikes. 

So, I'm not sure if it's motherhood or hormones or age or whatever. 

I'm cutting myself off from paying attention to children's movies. My heart is burdened by real life enough that I don't think it's totally necessary that I spend most nights awake worried about Melman from Madagascar and whether or not he got his prescription filled. 

a conversation.

nick: are you going to take a shower tonight?

jessi: i think i need some words under 'babes having babes'. something clever.

nick: (makes a face) no. 

jessi: like 'the seasons are changing' or 'fall 2009 edition'. 

nick: or 'hot and fresh out the kitchen'.

(i put words under the blog title and show him)

nick: (makes another face) 

you bloggers like that. 

you should ask them if they like it.

I think he was referring to you guys. So, are the words silly? 

also, if you're not inclined to help us solve our silly debate - there is a 

normal silly connolly family post below. 

things I'll never say

Oh how I wish this post was about my favorite memory in the whole world that is attached to this song (things i'll never say), a convertible, and the morning of my wedding.

 Alas, that is another blog in itself. 

No, this is about a blog of Kelly's that inspired me. 

She wrote about things she never thought she'd be into &

one thing I NEVER thought I'd do would be....

Spell out words. 

And yet I do. My little babes are becoming more verbal by the minute - seriously, it is FREAKISH. Elias has been practically mute for two years and all of a sudden now, he is speaking whole sentences out of the blue! 

So here are the words I am destined to spell out for 

the next few years, I'm afraid: 

• t-r-e-a-t. (this can mean anything from a cookie to a special trip) 
• b-a-t-h. (my kids love baths more than life itself. i've found myself just eradicating the word shower or bath from my vocabulary and instead I say, "Tomorrow morning I need to work out and then take a b-a-t-h." even if my kids are not around.)
• w-a-l-k. (meaning - in the stroller, around the neighborhood)
• b-y-e-b-y-e. (glory is the biggest social butterfly i've ever met and she wakes up in the morning ready to go 'byebye!'. i try not to tell her we're leaving until the second we walk out the door but she has learned a few triggers: if I pull out benj's carseat, if I put on makeup or shoes, or if i look for the keys - she starts screaming "BYEBYE!")
• h-o-u-s-e. (elias happens to be the opposite of gloriana in that he is a HUGE homebody. so if we're out somewhere and i accidentally say house, it's all over. he also know when we get of the highway if we're going home or not and will cry or delight accordingly. 
• w-o-r-d-w-o-r-l-d. (their favorite show in the whole universe.)
• s-n-a-c-k. (saying this world in the wrong context to a connolly child is also dangerous. 'snack' can only mean a packet of fruit snacks. if you say, "Elias - you want a snack?!" and give him banana, watch your back sister.

and lastly.....

• d-a-d-d-y. if I can't produce him in an instant or take them to where he is, it's better if i just pretended he doesn't exist. i've tried redirecting them to pray for him, draw a picture for him, call him, look at pictures of him... no go. he is the ultimate t-r-e-a-t. 

the war

Lately each day has been filled with like sixty small battles. Battles for my children's behavior, battles for faith in our finances, battles for faith in God, for how to be a good friend, fighting to understand missional community when it is hard, struggling against homesickness - for the fireflies and family of the South and for heaven as well. And obvi, the battle of post-tres-baby-weight. I just feel like I fight all day - in my heart, in my prayers, with my hands. I told my accountability group last week, it just feels like I've been gritting my teeth for a month.

Tonight Nick and I were kind of passing each other in the house like ghosts, bewildered at the day. A hilariously horrible inexplicable bank error set us back in a bad way, our babies had been crying their heads off all day, and it just seemed that nothing at all was the way it should be. God's grace is evident, in ways I can't begin to count - but still things are not right, and not even by my standards - one plus one just isn't equally two. 

Then at nine pm, Elias just start shrieking from his bed. Just screaming. Our former good sleeping babies have been going to bed crying and waking up before dawn crabby. No sleep advice helps, no rhyme or reason - but it is an equation gone wrong that we've begun to live with. So I was holding him and thinking about the battles and it hit Nick and I at once. He said it as I was thinking it, this is a spiritual battle. All of it. This whole time I've been thinking "poor me, having to fight so hard" and Jesus has been trying to open my eyes to our true enemy. I've been praying through Ephesians six for and with the kids and suddenly, those words were all rushing through my mind for our family. I'll leave you with them so you can pray for us, that we'd hear truth and read and believe. 

There may be more battles to fight, but this war has already been won by Jesus. 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

amen. 

5 things I love

Since I have a little lady crush on the designer Promise Tangeman, 

I thought I'd follow suit today. 

1. That Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 19th baby.

 

Say what you want to say, but that lady is a great mama. 

2. Our Capri Blue Volcano candle that Candice & Daniel bought us from Anthropologie. 

If you've never smelt this candle, go to your local Anthro and buy it PRONTO. We bought The Lannings one a few years ago when I worked there and I promise you, it is the scent that makes a house a home. 

3. Thinking about decorating Elias' new bedroom/our playroom for super cheap. 

You may have read this post about the bedding that we eventually decided on and I'm still going to go with it. Even though I think an octopus theme would be suuuuper cute. 

4. Elias' expanding vocabulary, which thus means Glory's expanding vocabulary. 

Some new things: 

"Waffles fall!" (for when he drops his breakfast plate on purpose)

"Baby's crying - I'll hold him!"

"Kachow!" (true lightning mcqueen style)

5. The dropping temperature. 

62 on Sunday, yes please. 

Ok, yours?