weekend update

on Friday, every single one of our kids came down with the yuckiest cold ever.
(I've never seen so much snot)

also on Friday, we lit our first fire and had an at-home date.
(don't buy the coffee-flavored fire logs from Fred Meyer - they don't smell like coffee)

..........................

On Saturday, I got to go vintage/second-hand shopping with Marcy.
(greatest fun - and got this super cheap cardigan!)

I don't feel smug about the cardigan (or the shopping), as the picture suggests.
(I really feel giddy and excited and thankful! LIKE THIS!)


When I got home, Elias met me at the door and grabbed my hand and showed me THE TREE!
(We bought it the night before and they had just put it up)

................................

I have officially never met someone who loves Christmas so much as Elias.
(So our family is even - two who love it, two who don't totally care. What will Benja be?!)

On Sunday, Nick got to go hear Shawn preach.
(More on their church later this week!)

........................

Also, on Sunday - Glory got a pass out of the house of sickness for a quick daddy-daughter date.
(I think we all needed that)


While the Glor & Daddy were gone, Elias and I decorated!
(And they brought him back a treat!)

OH! we booked our tickets back East for Christmas! Hooray!
(December 25th through January 13th - atleast for the kids and I, Nick comes back a little early)

.......................

AND this morning Elias dressed him self for the first time completely by himself!
(and a little help with the buttons)

Happy Late Thanksgiving Y'all.
(he is sweeter than pumpkin pie)

can't help myself, it feels so good.

I'm thankful for.....
Copying Kelly.
Watching The Office with Nick on weeknights.
Frozen berries, nonfat yogurt & agave.
My first non-pregnant Thanksgiving since 2005.
That I'm finally on to Mark.
That I learned so much from Matthew.
Coffee.
Being on the receiving end of a Nick Connolly good-game.
Butternut squash soup.
Sunday alone time.
New Moon, that's right I said it.
Bobby pins. (I mean, seriously - what would YOU do without them?)
Finding Glory on the kitchen floor singing, "glory to god.... glory to god....".
Doing p90x with Lexi on Thanksgiving day.
My upcoming 23 days in a row with my sister.
Sleeping. However short, however uninterrupted - I really love it.
Vision for the future.
Holding my husband's hand while watching tv.
Being able to tell my kids that soon they'll see the ducks at Nonny's house.
Coffee.
Some really amazing friends. Just amazing.
A massive batch of too tabasco-ey pumpkin soup that is all mine.
Pumpkin pancakes.
The color purple.
My friends kids. Or my kids friends, one in the same.
Singing Christ is risen, Christ is risen, and my soul knows sweet salvation.
Health.
Glory & Elias holding hands.
Being spurred on, not ashamed.
Elias kisses.
Target, the store.
Reading twilight before bedtime.
And now I'm going to go do just that.
Enjoy your turkey comas:)

thankful.

I love thanksgiving.
It's been a rough few months, but wow - what a blessing that the Lord has given us a good excuse to hunker down and thank Him for all He's done.

We were planning on a fun thanksgiving with friends, but we had a super sick toddler wake up crying an hour or so ago - so it may be turkey sandwiches and family time. We'll see.

Either way - I'm really ready for a day of thankfulness.

On a semi-related note, my husband has hired me for a job.
He wanted me to design him a thank you note.
(Let me tell you, he writes MAD thank you notes. If you invite us over for dinner, he will give you one on the way out - I love this about him)
He is a TOUGH customer, but here are two samples I made for him and I think he'll be paying me with coffee dates & cuddling. Yes!





But, because I couldn't help myself and because going to bed on a minimalist note might make me have weird dreams, I will show you what I would like to be my thank-you notes.


So, I would write the million things I'm thankful for - but I think that will make good sick-day discussion tomorrow and good things to tell the Lord.
What are you thankful for?

fooooooooood.

On my running to-do list, I've had this written down for like two weeks:
write a blog about food.

All of a sudden, I'm waking up to cooking and I want to do it all the time!
I tell Lauren Hogan that I feel like I'm turning into her and
THAT is a very good thing.

So here's what I've been making lately:

mulitcultural chicken soup
three frozen breast of chicken
one can of coconut milk
few tblspoons of curry sauce
(put all that mess into the crockpot - for like four hours)
then for the last hour throw in some.....
chili powder
one cup of dry Israeli couscous
DE-LISH.

butternut squash soup
one onion & tablespoons of butter in the soup pot on low
add in two whole butternut squash - cut up & one apple cut up
and a little bit of curry
also, 2 cups of water and bring that to a boil
reduce heat & cook for 30 minutes
put all that in the blender or if you have an immersion blender, use that.
actually - if you have an immersion blender, send it me for christmas.
so blend it, put it back in the pot & throw one cup of apple juice up in there.
and salt & pepper.

fish tacos
grill some mahi mahi
split open an avocado, mash it, put some s&p, garlic and salsa in it.
pour some plain lowfat yogurt in a bowl and squeeze some lime juice over it.
throw chili powder on all of that.
heat up your quesadillas in the oven and get your husband to roll it all into a taco/burrito since you have sort of awkward hands.
oooooh! and don't forget to heat up a can or corn & and can of black beans and eat it ALL.

apricot bars
get an 8 inch square dish
spray some pam all over that thing, don't use butter - that is MESSY.
throw 1.5 cups of flour, 1 tsp baking powder, .5tsp salt, 1.5 cups oats, 1 cup brown sugar, and 1.75 sticks of butter into a bowl. mix it alllll up and split the batter.
put down half the mixture, then take a jar of apricot preserves and pour it over the mixture, then put the rest of the mixture on top of the preserves and pat it down.
bake for about 40 minutes at 350.
tell ALL of your friends they're healthy because they almost are.

and lastly, because I'm a mean and nasty person - I'm going to share the best recipe ever.
If you make it right, you will eat six hundred of these and be stuck on your couch for the rest of your life. dun dun duuuuun.

coffee cake muffins
(for the muffins)
combine 1/2 c butter, 1.75 c flour, 2 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 cup sour cream, 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp vanilla, and 2 eggs and mix them all up in your blender since you probably can't find the mixing spoons for your electric mixer.
then, wash out the blender before your husband has to do it.
(for the topping)
combine 1 cup brown sugar, 1 cup flour, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 tsp cinnamon, and a stick of butter.
in the muffin tins -
put a litttle bit of batter down
then a little bit of topping
then more batter,
then a lot of topping.
but keep it level with the tin or you'll have a BIG mess.
(but I like it when they explode)
bake at 350 for 25 minutes.

write a blog about food.

6,20,34

It's not a weird sequence of Lost numbers, it my kids ages.

I was getting ready to write a 6month blog on Benja and realized - heck! Who says only "babies" should get monthly update blogs? And plus, mine are all babies - just slightly bigger. In my world if you're can't do two out of the three following things you are a baby: poop in a potty, climb into the car yourself, and feed yourself yogurt without needing a hose down. So they all qualify in one way or another.

So, my first baby, Elias is THIRTY FOUR MONTHS. When you say it in months, it seems like - is that it? Seriously? And it's still going too fast. Here are some details about our 34 month old.
- He is talking up a storm! Mostly in private, but he actually cracks us up. My favorites are how he shows possession: "Me Elias Mine cup!" and when he tells me things about myself, "oooooh, Mommy's TIRED" OR "Mommy lubbou Elias!" (meaning I love him)
- He is seriously so big. Like - body wise. You know the old duplicate their height at 2 and 1/2 to see how tall they'll be? If we did that for him - he'd been well into the mid-six feet range. Say what?
- I love that most days I find he has coffee breath. Ya'll, he sneaks that stuff like it's his job. He usually either has coffee breath or a ring of brown around his mouth.
- His favorite thing to do each afternoon is get Glory up from her nap. When we hear her stirring, he goes and grabs her snack and takes it to her. Now - he also takes a little percentage of the snack for himself - so we're working on that.
Now, my Glory girl.
- I love that the Lord is teaching me so much recently through her. He is showing me that He created her to be a biblical woman with high energy, just like myself. She's not always rebellious or mean spirited, but it's easy to mistake her zeal for disobedience. Instead or assuming the latter, I'm learning how to get some of that energy out in productive ways. Oh Lord, hasten the day when she is ready for gymnastics.
- She's really into babies lately. I may or may not have caught her trying to nurse Benjamin once or twice recently. A little crazy and sweet all at once.
- Her belly button is about the greatest thing that ever happened to her. I think her Daddy is about two days away from stapling her shirt to her diaper so we can go ahead and knock any ideas of midriff baring right out the door.
- Yesterday I asked her who she played with in her church class, I got these three answers, "James!""Grace!" and "Silas!". While these are good friends, none of them were in her class so she has a sweet little imagination on her.

and my boyfriend. Benjamin.
- Benja is eating us out of house and home pretty much. He eats TWO baby foods for lunch and TWO baby foods for dinner. I made most of Glory's food & I don't think I can do that for big benj. I'd never get out of the kitchen.
- He is inching toward sitting up, sort of.
- He can roll over both ways but rarely does:).
- He loves to imitate noises like growling or clicking his tongue.
- What else can you say about him? He LOVES life. LOVES everything. Doesn't cry unless you take away the spoon mid-bite.

So that's the deal with the kiddos. And some recent pics.
see, high energy. always a blur.

fyi - that is a size four diaper that he is busting out of.

two blurs.

when I see this face of Glory's - I tell her to go take an ugly pill because she is TOOOOOOOO PRETTY.

a little protective.

cute squirrel.

man-child.

Family, don't you think he looks a lot like AnnaJaye here? I do.



Ok, that's all I got. Love these kids.

a normal thursday

5:45am: Hear Benjamin. pray fervently he falls back asleep.
6:00am: No such luck, he is up and I should be if I don't want the other ones to wake up too. Plus, it's Bible time. Feed Benja, let him bounce and growl while I read & pray, drink first pot of coffee.
7:05am: Big kids up, bring them milk in their cribs, booktime.
7:45am: Waffles for kids, oatmeal for mommy, night-night for Benja.
9:00am: Daddy comes home from accountability with my weekly coffee treat.
Design-consult-business-call. Hearing the word "wicked" just starts your day off right.
9:40am: Realize that my teeth aren't brushed, kids aren't dressed, bag isn't packed and we have a mall-walking date in twenty minutes. Call on the husband & the Lord to help me out the door.
10:17am: Arrive 17 minutes late for said date, sorry Kim.
Proceed to have a little mall time with kiddos which really looks like saying
"Glory SIT DOWN and OBEY" seventeen times.
11:30am: On the way home, feel a little glad that I don't feel overwhelmed after such a horrible trip, can't help myself from laughing at sweet babes.
Carrying three kids in from car, in rain, have to cut off my sister for the first time because we're all soaking wet.
1:45pm: All three are down. Turn off the tv, sit in silence, eat a sandwich. Fall asleep.
2:10pm: BENJA'S UP! Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. Lots of kisses.
Worry a little bit about childhood obesity.
2:30pm: Elias is up! Cuddle, cuddle, 101 Dalmatians. Come on - did you know that movie is probably not really toddler appropriate? Lots of smoking and they say the word "idiot" like sixteen times. Specifically the husband and wife calling each other that. Why do we work so hard not to say that when we let them watch it on tv? Answer: send 101dalmatians back to netflix.
3:15pm: GLORY'S UP! Animal crackers and songs.
Johnny Appleseed.
This little light.
ABC's.
And Glory's favorite: "tiny hiney!" (I made that one up)
4:50-6:30pm: a big blur. Turkey chili, baby food, Bible time, crying time, Praying time.
Hilarious game of hide and go seek with daddy.
Night night.
6:30-9:30pm: Determined to get caught up on design work. Keep thinking about laundry and sweeping and cleaning the bathroom but promise to do it tomorrow and feel excited about getting things done for the week. Nick watches tv and laughs and says, "did you hear that?!" about sixteen times.
10:15pm: Nick goes to bed.
11:21pm: I'm still here, writing this blog.
Six am is coming.

things we found in the fire, #2

To catch up - here is segment #1.

On a particularly hard day of this little inferno, I didn’t really know what to do. I felt discouraged and called to peace and trust – so none of my normal methods of coping could ease my fears. By now I was starting to understand the answer was not yelling at my husband, worrying myself sick, crying to a friend, or even crying to the Lord. While some of those things (some) are certainly permissible, for me – they were far from beneficial.
The current battle was disappointing news and I knew I needed the Word – but for some reason I couldn’t turn to the normal trusting and faith verses – my heart was called somewhere else. Super vulnerable time. Do you have a big sin problem? Like, a really yuck one, that plagues you and makes you want to hide under your covers? Mine is blame. In my head, nothing is ever my fault. Here is the REALLY gross part – I usually don’t blame on the outside, so people can’t really call me out on it – I just do it in the comfort of my heart. So, I know that if I have a particularly stressful morning and Elias knocks over my coffee, in about ten minutes of yucky-inside-my-own-head-blaming, it will all be Nick’s fault somehow. (I told you it was gross).
To combat this, I’ve been storing up verses on marriage and wifehood and when something bad happens, and I know I’m going to start blaming Nick (even if it has nothing to do with him), I just read those verses. They’re literally written out in longhand in my journal. Pages and pages of truth about how to love your husband or how to be a righteous woman.
I got to one of my favorites – 1 Peter 3:4. … but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. Sigh. Too bad. I suppose I’m discounted from this passage, because I will never possibly be gentle or quiet. On that day, I not only still felt extremely discouraged about the battle – but I felt defeated and unable to ever measure up to the standard of a woman of God.
For a few days, I thought on this and prayed on it. When I talked to the Lord in the mornings, I would ask very fervently for a gentle and quiet spirit. When I messed up with the kids and prayed with them, I would confess to them and the Lord that I had a lack of a gentle and quiet spirit. I asked Nick to pray for me concerning a gentle and quiet spirit. Still, I felt little hope. I know who I am. I know that I often interrupt people when I get excited (or just whenever), I know I don’t always speak in hushed voices, and I know that gentle and quiet are the two last words someone would ever use to describe me.
A while later, I was taking a shower (read: complete silence and no babies to hold – providing LOTS of peace) and felt the Lord unpack something for me. What He said was this,
“Would I have created you loud and rough? Would I have created you with an incredibly ability and propensity towards non-gentility and rough, sandpapery hands? NO.”
A professor I once had explained that the Lord can be a mystery and we can not know His ways – but He can’t be untrue or contradict Himself. So He wouldn’t long for me to be gentle and quiet and create me in the exact opposite manner, would He? Never. This means, at the core of my heart – at the part that is truly Christ in Jessi (the only good part), He has created me gentle and quiet.
Do you know how much easier it is to take off loud and rough than to build quiet and gentle within yourself? To create characteristics that you don’t understand? And it’s not just semantics – this changes everything. Specifically, everything changes because I can no longer discount myself from biblical womanhood due to the nature of my personality. What the heck is a personality? Some of it for certain is God-given and the rest is built, pieced together by ourselves. I’m done with that story.
He created me to love dancing with my kids and to be gentle and quiet. He created me to enjoy making people laugh and to be gentle and quiet. I’m made with a love of design and the ability to love Jesus with all of my womanhood. These things are no longer mutually exclusive for me.
And as I prayed through this and walked in the taking off of the old things (rather than the building of others), I saw how much easier it became. I could choose to (literally) whisper rather than yelling when disciplining my children – rather than praying for fifteen minutes each morning – begging the Lord to make me gentle. To treat my husband, the world, a stranger with gentility became so much more of a joy when I saw that it was truly the natural response.

So, that is one more thing I have found in this fire. That I was created to be a woman, and I can claim those biblical truths for myself.

Best Week Ever

Here's what's up:
- Sometime this week (we hope and PRAY), Mare will have baby B. I'm so stinking pumped. Ya'll, I'm a birth fanatic. I just love it. I really wish I could do it:). I've got my labor food packed and birthing affirmations written on note cards. Couple that with the fact that I really love Mare and can't wait to meet her son - I'm over the moon!
- Couples date with the Stinsons. Last one together in the northwest. Lots of thoughts there.
In the meantime, if you're in Charlotte (and even if you're not) - stop by their new church's website: Redemption Charlotte. Pray for them, give to them, go with them, help them launch - do something!
- and lastly,
New Moon.
oh gosh. I can't handle it.
I'm not even kidding you.
What do I say?
I will tell you this - I told Annie the other night that I think we should get into old fashioned cross-stitching. Think this.
But we decided it would be appropriate if we made Twilight Cross-stitches. Can you imagine selling THOSE on etsy?! I'd make a fortune.
Oh wait! Someone already beat me to it!
Oh well. I still get two hours and ten minutes of greatness on Sunday night with a bunch of great women who love Jesus and silly vampire teenage fiction.


And lastly, I'm excited about some blog & design stuff coming down the pipeline so stay tuned!
And for goodness sake, go get your new moon tickets.

b & "andy"

Sometime in the next two weeks, two of my best friends here in the northwest will be having their second babies. Both boys, both will be younger brothers of boys! "Andy" has no choice - he is coming on Saturday! Nick will be in Re:Train, which is really good news for the Singletary's - or else I'd probably be stalking the waiting room, anxious to get my hands on him!

B on the other hand, well - let's hope he makes his entrance into this world sooner rather than later! His sweet mom has been so faithful to carry him patiently and I would love for her to not have to wait tooooo much longer. Now, the good news is... wait! the amazing news is - I think I am going to be there, in the Wight's house, when he is welcomed into the world! What an honor - seriously, I don't think Marilee could begin to understand how privileged I feel.

The truth is though, no matter how soon I see these boys after they are born - I'm so thrilled to know them. So thrilled to know their mamas - so grateful to be able to learn from them and grow with them. I can't wait to have their big boys over for playtime when they need alone time with their little ones and I can't wait to rock the little ones while the mamas play with their big ones.

If you think about it - pray for the safe entry of B & Andy into the world.
Oh, and Andy isn't really his name.
I only wish I knew that.

defeat

Please don't think I'm admitting defeat over using box hair dye. No, not even. I've been a box girl since middle school. That's right, I said middle school. My hair follicles just shivered. However, in sad hair news that I'm sure will sweep the country - I am no longer a 9.5NB. That has been my excellence creme color for as long as I can remember - except my winter trips into brunette world that my husband has basically forbade me from doing again.

Now, I'm an 8.

On top of stretch marks, weight gain, hair curling & thickening, skin dulling, back aching, body morphing, and sleep stealing - multiple pregnancies has waged yet another war on these skin and bones - my hair will no longer go to 9.5NB. It tries for like to two days to be "lightest natural blonde" but then it dulls out and gets brassy and orangey.
Elias, Gloriana, and Benjamin - you are worth it.

Forever more, I will be just "natural blonde".
Which is quite funny if you think about it.

um.

If I disappear suddenly, I think you
guys know who to investigate.

Have you ever seen three such vengeful faces?

On the other hand, if I tell them they are dressed in six thousand layers for the purpose of going on a w-a-l-k! That's a different story....

Enough said. Welcome to my life.

***post edit: I cannot help myself. I've been looking at this post dying laughing for five minutes. Please confirm you've done the same thing.

things we found in the fire #1

I try to be careful when I’m writing. Especially blogs. I love to read about what others have learned and I love to be taught through words but I would despair if my words began to sound as if I’d been given authority to teach – since I haven’t. Outside of my sweet children, that is.

Anyhow, this season for us has been quite a fire. It’s been hot and hard and in my mind I’ve started to very easily refer to it as a fire. Is God putting out this fire? Is he fanning the flames for His Glory? As I prayed through these things – a phrase begin to roll around in my brain and at first it made me chuckle and then it made me glad, and now it makes me downright joyful. JOYFUL. Did you see the movie, “The things we lost in the fire”? I didn’t. It seemed super sad and too much for me to handle but in my head, I started referring to “the things we’ve FOUND in the fire”.

At first I thought these things were just for me, to keep going – to keep walking forward. To get on my hands and knees amidst the rubble and look for treasures. But, if my trial-and-error-slow-paced-learning and reflecting can be encouraging, I’d like to share these things I’ve found in the fire. Not teach or instruct, just humbly share. And for organization sake, we’ll make a little series out of it.

The first is simple and concise – probably known by all but me. And it is this – Doing the right thing when you don’t want to can be more profitable than you’ll ever know. Spiritually put – allowing the wisdom Christ has put in your heart to be turned into obedience at the right time, can be more profitable than you’ll ever know.

A few months ago, a friend shared this verse with me: The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. (prov 22:3) Unfortunately, I saw myself all over that description of a simple person. In life and specifically, in marriage, when I saw a hard time coming or I knew a day was already specifically rough – I could really clearly see two paths. One was to praise the Lord and walk forward in His grace. The other was to fear life, to fear man, and to take my pain out on any person in my path. In all honesty – the second option just felt good. To get bad news and blame someone felt like accomplishing something. When I become flustered with the kids, to go in my room and throw something released some tension. Even to outwardly bless my husband during a rough day and inwardly curse him seemed like a good choice because it gave me vindication and the appearance of godliness all in one. Complaining, focusing on my hurt, and sometimes ignoring life all together. Even sometimes, the seemingly neutral act of crying felt like a step forward and it felt good to express my fear or worry in that way.

But then maybe once, maybe twice after hearing this verse – I thought of the alternative. What if I didn’t scream or I didn’t cry or didn’t blame or complain. What if I took a moment to compose myself, closed my eyes and in my head screamed to Jesus, “I WANT TO TRUST YOU! HELP ME TO TRUST YOU!”. I found that it didn’t make me feel like a deflated balloon, without any power or will to keep living that day – but that when I would tell him very honestly what I was thinking – he would fill me for that minute with what I needed to keep going.

Then I tried it with the kids. Instead of yelling (or yelling on the inside with for a false sense of gentleness), I blinked hard a few times and asked the Lord to give me His eyes when I opened them again. Or with Nick, on a particularly discouraging day, when we were minutes from screaming at one another and slamming doors – we’d sit and hold hands and just talk to the Lord. What I saw when it dawned on me to look, was little pieces of fruit popping up around our house and marriage. We were still in the fire, but we could laugh and love and praise Jesus together rather than ripping one another apart.

I feel like such a high school bible study leader, but the fact is simple: it’s much easier to do the right thing on easy days than it is to do them on hard days. When life feels manageable and settled, do you know how easy it is to choose to pray? To praise? To teach grace and peace to your babes? But when you actually feel like your world is kind of crumbling and you feel like a failure and you’re not totally sure where your food will come from next week – it is immensely difficult. It’s much easier to yell, or cry, or plan but what we had to do was praise. To bless. To pray. And when we lifted our heads and said, “amen” – the answer wasn’t always there – but a little tiny piece of fruit was.

And now, when this fire is truly over – I have two good gifts given by father. A) The word of my testimony. To be able to say, “this is what it was like and this is what He is always like for us”. To say, when we praised Him, it felt like what we were supposed to do and we should praise Him because He is always good. And B)a comparison. If I can praise the Lord in the fire, I can praise Him when I get cut off while driving or when someone hurts my feelings or when a kid smears poop all over my sofa for fun. I can praise Him, always.

More to come.

inspiration

Since setting up link lists has been on my to-do list for about three weeks, I'm going to kick myself in the hiney* and write a post that will hopefully translate into some sections for internet goodness. In the meantime, I would encourage you to sit back at your desk or on your sofa and kick off you Monday with some web browsing. Enjoy.

design & visual goodness:
Promise Tangeman
A Beautiful Mess
The Beautiful Mess
(are you confused?! you have to stay on your toes around here! drink some coffee & keep up!)
Another Shade of Gray
Inspire Inspire
Sarah Rhoads
Resurgence Scripture Wallpapers

fashion:
Have a Cute Day
Forever 21
(also, I'm available to be hired for personal shopping sessions in Forever 21. Just ask Mare.)
Cardigan Empire
Anthropologie
(and I linked that to the item I most want right now)

for some growth:
Carolyn Mahaney's Girl Talk
Noel Piper
Biblical Parenting
Grace (I like to listen to this in the background while doing design stuff)

ok. Enjoy.
I've certainly enjoyed putting this list together!

*sidebar: If you're a mom - what do you call the lower backend of your body for your children to learn? Hiney? Butt? Tuckus? Hambone? Bottom? Give it to me. I need to make an executive decision.

I'm a mess

To say this has been a hard few months sounds almost silly.
We haven't had many life altering days or tragic events but just a combination of really hard, tiring days stringed together with very little fruit - besides spiritual.

Without going into too much detail, we're just struggling much like the rest of the country - financially, but all while coming off of a missionary-support-raising budget and in the middle of trying to really figure out just what state we're supposed to be in. Nick's heart is in Boston. It just is. I feel super attached to him and what he does, but goodness - I love it here. He is working his tail off and I'm working my tail off trying to raise these kids - but it's still just confusing and hard to understand. We'll think we see what the Lord is doing and what step we are supposed to take and then, woosh - it's gone. There have been so many days like that in the past few months, I can't begin to describe.

So, by the time this last possibility arose, I felt like I could guard my heart and still pray for God's hand to move. We prayed, prayed, prayed, asked others to pray, pray, pray and it seemed hopeful - and it didn't work out.

I was with Nick when he found out and I can't begin to tell you how positive he was, how he never, ever doubts the Lord, how he is mostly concerned with how I feel - if I'm ok. And I wasn't. I wasn't angry with Him or doubting His plan or His goodness - I was just really scared of the immediate. What will happen to us? How in the world are we going to be ok? How will we get out of this mess?

I spent about an hour there. I called my mom & my sister as the kids napped, whispering, because if I talked louder than a whisper I'd start crying again - and they both gave me scripture and prayed with me. Then I just pulled out my Bible and cried to Him and over and over, I said, "this is such a mess! this is such a mess! this is such a mess!" and this is what He spoke to my heart:

I looked around and saw a house that is warm, with a roof, with food to feed our children. For today, tonight, we live here in this great house. I thought to those babes in their various sleeping apparatuses and thought - they are all healthy, all have full bellies, with no massive problems that an animal cracker and a kiss from mama can't solve. Then I thought about my husband, planning & praying, doing his best to figure out what is best for us. Working in the rain and the cold doing construction to provide as much as possible - with full faith that the Lord will take care of us.

So what's really a mess? The only mess I saw was me.
A crying, blubbering mess on the sofa, wasting my naptime solitude on some tears.

The immediate future is fine, more than fine. Blessed.
So any tears, any concerns - are for the future which could be classified as worrying which should be classified as sin. This is a temporary mess. And Lord, I pray temporary really looks temporary. I pray this is the worst it gets. But if it doesn't? What are we looking at? God will still be God. He will still be good.

Romans 8:18 says,
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

So the facts are:
- Things aren't as bad as they could be, in fact, we're blessed.
- I have no idea what the future holds and becoming a mess over it is just plain silly.
(and wasteful of a really good naptime)
- Even if the present gets much worse, it still won't be anything in comparison to the glory (of Himself) that He that He will reveal to us.

kid crazy

This is just a tidbit about my nutty kiddos. PLEASE, please laugh as hard as I do at them.

#1. We have a potty predicament. Some of you may remember the potty training attempt I made with Elias back in February. Seriously, totally successful but I ended up quitting and going back to diapers because running him up and down the stairs made me have major contractions when I was pregnant with Benj.

Welllll.....

I was inspired by a friend to let my kids start trying the potty again, even though I felt very little pressure for them to be potty trained yet. Imagine my surprise when within like two seconds Glory pees on the potty! WHAT?! The rest of that day, she kept saying, "Mommy! peepee!" or "Mommy! Poopoo!" and I'd pull out the potty and she'd just go. No frills. No drama. Just going potty. When she finishes she asks for a treat like it's not big deal.

So, three days later and um.... she hasn't had a wet or poopy diaper since. She thinks she's potty trained! Who is she?! Before you start thinking I'm bragging or showing off, I'll equal it out for you: Everytime Glory goes potty, Elias tries too. Not once in three days. Oops, I should've ran with it in February. (don't worry we give him treats too)

#2. My kids are learning about creation right now. Super sweet.
So something I say a few times a day is:
"Tell me about all the things God made!!!!"
(and Elias has a strict routine of his list)
"LIGHT!" "WATER!" "WAFFFFFLESSSSS!"
how do I even go on to adam & eve when God created waffles?

#3. Another thing we're working on is middle names.
Elias is really sweet on his sister and we've often heard him call her "gooeyana"
and lately he's been telling us "gooeyana is eloise!". To help him understand, we started explaining middle names so I've been hearing this a lot:
"Daddy Powell Connnnolllllllolll"
"Mommy is Powell?"
and "I'm a connolllolll boy!"
(ebug's middle name is Powell)

and now, just some silly pictures.

hosanna

Lately I've been slowly crawling my way through the book of Matthew.

Today in Matthew 21, I was reading about Jesus' triumphal entry. There were many observations and things that caught the attention of my heart - but one big thing was the use of the word Hosanna. I feel like I've read, said, prayed, sung that word but today I decided to read more into the meaning and find out where else it was used in the Bible.

Hosanna means "O save!" or "He saves" or "save us".
Just recently I've felt comfort in crying that to Him.
Save me from my sin!
Save my children!
Save the lost that I love!
Rescue us from this season!

I told a friend yesterday that God's word was reminding me to beg Him. Reminding me to cry to Him. Reminding me that this brings Him glory and then, that when I pull myself off of the floor and walk forward into the day with the faith that He gives me, it brings peace to beg.

So I started reading the uses of the phrase Hosanna in the Old Testament.
And what did I find?

2 Sam 14:4-7
2 Kings 6: 25-31
1 Kings 3:16-28

Desperate women. Just desperate.
Sinful, awful, messed up women with no way to handle their own mess.
Seriously - read those passages with caution because you will find some hard stories.
But they knew who to go to, their King.

And so do I.

Just another sweet reminder that we don't have to package ourselves to come to Jesus.
We don't need a plan or perfection.
I pray that these days where I beg "Hosanna" will help me to sing it on the days where things don't seem so dismal, when I would normally think I could do it on my own.
I hope those days I will remember that we all need saving, all the time.

Halloween Wrap-up

Oh goodness.
I've just spent about ten minutes laughing and smiling at these pictures.
Hope they make you smile as much as they make me.

my sweet skunk

the princess & the skunk

it should be noted that I straightened Glor's hair for Halloween. buuuut, God made her hair curly for a purpose and when it is straight - it is kind of a mullet. So up in a pony it went:)

best shot I got of all three of them, seriously.

a rare shot of me & one of the kiddos! yay, thanks Nick!

y'all - he LOVED that outfit.

E and his best man friend, James. Too much.

No guys, you don't look like you're up to something.

always dancin', that one

pausing for a quick slide

adult friends! I won't post pictures of my two lady friends who are days out from having their babies. They look fantastic and vibrant, but I'd be mad if someone put pictures of me on the internet past 30 weeks gestation.

I love this pic because Elias (Easy E, the rapper) is truly sagging.

aaaand, best picture I got of their costumes all night. You'll notice Glory's other princess shoe is missing - as are her earrings and leg warmers. Who knows where Elias's shirt and jeans were? He actually wore his "easy e" shirt to bed and permanant marker bled everywhere on him:)

Happy Belated Halloween!

Christmas Cards, round 1!

Ok - due to the great response from last week - I pumped out a few Christmas card samples for you all to see! Here is my thing about Christmas Cards: Ugh, I love them! BUT I find three major problems with them:
a) many premade cards don't have as many spots for pictures as growing families would like and
b) last year - I know about four families who sent out the same card we did from Costco which made me feel pretty unoriginal & like a copycat.
c) it is very hard to find a beautiful card that isn't totally cheesy.

So here's my answer to that great dilemma!

this is probably my favorite:

I love the vintage feel of this one. No goofy dancing candy canes here.

a little campy, lots of cute:)

LOVE this one.

I love the sweet feel of this one, especially if you don't want a picture -
but just some more thoughtful words.

Email me at jessi@naptimediaries.com for pricing or to request a custom order! The great thing about these is that you can spend as much as you want on printing them. You buy the high resolution picture & can print it anywhere you like - on photo paper at Costco or a super expensive boutique printing company. Or, let me handle all the details for you & have them just show up at your house.

Now, if Starbucks would just release the Christmas cups, I could put some Mariah Carey on and feel in the mood!

wait! great news for east coast friends!
*Also - all of our sample photos were done by The Beautiful Mess and the are offering a special discount if you book a christmas card photoshoot by this Friday, November 6th at midnight! Just mention you heard about it here & they will work their magic!
and that is my early Christmas present to ya'll.