the tale of the nail

March 13th, 2007

I remember the night before Glory was born, having a million things on my mind - but there was a pressing issue that I needed sorted out. I asked the women in my life at the time (Faythe, Lauren, Ruby, & Kalle) what to do about my nails. For the past few months, I'd been into darks. Dark maroons, dark browns, dark reds. But the birth of a child felt wrong to wear vampy dark nail polish to, so I asked them if I should switch to a milky white for Miss Glory's debut. They unanimously agreed on the lighter shade, but I ran out of time preparing for my hospital stay and thus, they were red as I welcomed her to the world.

I think that crusty red stayed on for a few weeks without me noticing. Life was flying by and there was literally no time to think about it. I was busy figuring out how to pacify my little ball of feminine fire and in my spare time, I needed to be giving time to my big boy (or helping run a maternity home, being a wife, trying to have friends, seek the Lord, and make my own self breakfast every once in a while). Occasionally I'd throw some clear on there and try to help my paws out - but in general, my nails stayed bare naked.

Honestly, I was fine with this arrangement. So many things in my life needed to be paused, having unpainted nails was a small sacrifice for the blessings I'd been given.

Fast-forward 18 months, one more baby, a move, and a whole new lifestyle and two very important things happened that changed my viewpoints on the need for color in my life. #1) I began to wake up to life again. Noticed a need for throw pillows on my sofa and more variety in my earring collection. I just had a general longing for spice in my life again. #2) I discovered Sally Hansen quickdry goodness. I bought a dark red (old habits die hard) and realized that if I painted my nails just before bedtime, the quick-dry wouldn't smudge as I slept and I could experience excitement in my life again. I got excited dreaming about colors - coral, turquoise, and navy blue! Sweet Mare even dropped by my house one day during naptime with a beautiful new bottle of "blazing blue frost". I was getting back on track.

As time passed, I got into a pattern of when to paint my nails and how long to wait precisely before climbing into bed. Sometimes I'd miss my window and end up with big chips, but for the most part - I made it work. But life always picks up, right? There is always something to fill the time where I could be nail-painting: baby-soothing, box-packing, bible-reading, husband-bonding, or early-bedding. The chipped navy on my hands started to make me bitter.

You think I'm kidding? Sadly, no.

I even had to confess to my community group. "Sometimes my anger gets away from me. I need Jesus to help me.... a big trigger? Uh, that would be my chipped nail polish". It represents all the things my sinful heart can get angry about. I don't have enough time, no one understands this crazy schedule, I want a manicure. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.

The past few days I decided to fast from trying to paint my nails. Does that sound silly? It is. Sort of. But now all I can think about is matte gray.

I want matte gray all up on my nails.

But alas, not today.

I tell you what - I don't really mind about having passed on three years of sleep, my waist, relaxation in general, or large chunks of sanity. But manicured nails - ooosh, now we're talking about sacrifice.

Counting our blessings, new house edition

1. Food Network

I don't know who is more excited - us or Elias. He LOVES the food network.

2. My new kitchen.

White cabinets, perfect size, more storage than you could dream up, farm sink, can see into the backyard.

3. On that note, the backyard.

We are sharing a backyard that is better than a small park. Two slides, swings, a seesaw, and a small kid-friendly garden. Plus I get to see Michelle & her sweet kiddos when we play.

4. Quietness.

The non-hardwoods and long hallway allow me to be able to BREATHE during naptime without waking up kids. I love it. We don't have to worry about noise at all.

5. There are too many more to count.

The fireplace I'm about to fill with candles, the half-brick/half-paneling wall, the only one bathroom to clean.

Pictures to come. Just as soon as I unpack my camera.

invitations for Baby Pearl

I keep meaning to blog about some of the design stuff I'm working on and I keep forgetting or things are still in progress! Here's a baby shower invitation I just did for some friends in North Carolina! Sweet Denise is pregnant with a little lady and she refers to her as "baby pearl" which I think is just precious! They're doing a whole pearl themed shower and I hope to get them some more little matching design elements for the event as it approaches! Here are the invitations for now! Enjoy!

unpacking

No one should be this excited to move.

Tonight I'm exhausted, I'm worn out socially and spiritually, and tomorrow night we'll sleep in a different house. But I couldn't be upset if I tried.

To describe the retreat I went on this past weekend without explaining some truths I learned would be silly, but my brain (and my heart) isn't quite ready for that kind of writing yet. So I'll just say that it was really amazing and I experienced the most palpable work done by the Holy Spirit in me that I could ever ask for or imagine in 72 hours. Ugh, I just want to sob thinking about it. He is so good. He is so good. He is sovereign and he is good.

So, I imagine it would feel hectic and just horrible to come home and then MOVE but now it just feels so right. To pack up out of this house, where the past months have been so hard and to go to a new transitional place - location-wise & heart-wise.

This house has held some sweet times and some funny nights and some good friends, but it's blank beige-y walls and never unpacked boxes have really represented how my life has felt lately. I haven't had my wits about me, haven't had my armor on, haven't had the time or energy or desire to begin unpacking and letting the Holy Spirit renovate.

So, I'm ready.

The next few days will be busy unpacking -

the boxes in our house and the truth of God in my heart.

Dear Mommy,

Though we are excited that you are gone to have fun and play with your friends, we do miss you so much! Here are a few pictures of us having fun (but not too much fun) while you are gone.

Love,

Elias, Gloriana, and Benja

Imagine Elias taking his shoes off...that never happens.

He loved riding his bike.

Glory definitely gave it a try too.

And I quote:

Daddy: "Glor, sweetheart, do you need any help?"

Glory: "No, I do it"

This was definitely try #1.

Try #2

At least we got Benja's dimple. As you can clearly see, this picture conflicted with Glory's BUSY schedule for the day. Glad she could 'grace' us with a 'death gaze'.

Love you and see you soon!

In light of eternity

I wrote a while ago that I wanted to start blogging in light of eternity. Which may sound confusing if you've been reading posts about bangs, bread, and bananas. But to me, in my jumbled head, it makes sense because of the heart behind it. I want to learn to make bread as one part of "building my house" as my wise friend Kelly would say, and working towards looking somewhat fresh for my husband is super important for the health of our marriage. All eternal rewards in my book.

Anyhow, ever since that phrase got stuck in my head in relation to my blog, I've been chewing it over and over and over. This weekend I'm going on a women's retreat (which I actually just wrote a blog about and deleted because how many different ways can you say you're excited?) and though I'm OVERJOYED, it's about the worst possible weekend ever. We are smack dab in the middle of a move, house half-packed, Nick and I have barely spoken all week (from time constraints not marital strife), and next week is even more busy than this past one. So before Nick left yesterday to begin a crazy 18-hour day of packing, moving, and painting - he gave me an hour to do as I pleased. I was going to work out, and the decided it would be much more wise to turn to Jesus.

Before I started, I knew my head was swimming so I just made a massive list called "what's on my mind". It was like a to-do list on crack, with items like "we need a new teeth brushing routine" ranging to "plan glory's birthday party". A little bit the list sorted through the junk in my head, but mostly it overwhelmed me with my inadequacy. Again.

A big theme for me lately has been seeing myself how God sees me and as I read and reread my list, I prayed through that desire again. If only my heart could throw off my own vision and adopt His, it feels like everything would be so much easier. And that's when that phrase climbed back into the forefront - in light of eternity.

In light of eternity - "my shortcomings" are very selfish and self-serving attributes of my life that I want to improve, mostly for my benefit. When the light of eternity blinds me to these worldly failings, what's left is sin and love. Very real sin, very gross and damaging sin - that in the light of eternity is covered in the blood of Christ (that's the love part). I had to really plainly and simply talk this out with Jesus (much how I have to talk it out with my three year old) and it sounded something like this:

"Ooooooh - you don't actually really care that my bathroom isn't clean. In light of eternity, that doesn't make me a failure? Got it. But now - you do care that my heart isn't for my husband and I haven't been praying for him enough lately. And you do care that my anger goes unchecked too often. And you do care that I spend much of my day thinking about other people opinions of me. And those sins - they actually break your heart. And they separate us. They separate us! But over here - you show me Jesus, dying in my place and rising in defeat of these sins, and walking away. And that eternal piece CHANGES everything. It changes today. It changes my sin, my desire for sin, and my list of 'what's on my mind' COMPLETELY. In light of eternity, now my whole day is different."

And then I was reminded of Hebrews 10 and the implications for today. Because in the light of eternity, I can't really spend any time wringing my hands and stressing about moving or beating myself up about my unkempt eyebrows, right?

It's time to draw near, hold fast, and stir up -

because the Day is coming.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

and..... the winner is.

Maybe a mix between A and B?

A little more refined than I'd hoped, but I think that's only because my stylist dried it silky smooth. Tomorrow I'm going to throw some product in there and it will be all good and frizzy and hopefully, a little more edgy.

Call it choice A, call it two squirrels playing with photo booth, call it what you want.

I call it a hair solution!

I might just need a few days of this to figure it out....

bananas.

Our stash is bananas.

The scary part is, sometimes we have to get some more around Friday.

Am I raising children or monkeys?

update - I took this picture on Saturday & just asked Nick how many bananas we currently have at 10:47pm on Tuesday night. His reply=4.

PLEASE tell me what your family devours like this. Juice, beef, eggs, soda?

Bananas are our big one. If you cut us open, we will bleed pure potassium.

Dear bread,

Dear bread,

Can we have a chat? I think it's important that everyone know their place in this world. When we understand identity and where we fit in, everything is so much simpler. You see, I'm a housewife, a mother, a homemaker - if you will. I'm not JUST a housewife, because that is a big deal to me and if I do it right, it will hopefully mean a great deal to my world. Now if I go prancing about like I'm Britney Spears, grasping for fame, will I seem silly? Will I be discontent? The answer is yes. Beyonce is a whole 'nother matter. If I want to try to dance like her, isn't that my business? I mean, she's not Britney Spears. I digress.

You, you are a lump of misshapen dough that's purpose is to rise and feed my family. That is a big deal, sweet bread! A smear of honey, or toasted on the griddle, for goodness sakes - you could quite possibly be GRILLED CHEESE! Not a big deal to some, but to us - you're invaluable. Nutrition and taste, fulfilling and satisfying... you're a big deal to us.

But here is what I think is happening. In a last ditch effort to make something of yourself, you've decided that food isn't really your forte. Rather, humiliation will be the name of the game for you - as you've made the purpose of your existence to discourage and baffle me. You've seen me struggle with those who've come before you - the yeasty lumps that turned out like bricks, the whole entire mixing bowls thrown out in frustration. And so, you've changed direction and set a new course of devilish pleasure for yourself. My demise.

Now, I beg of you. For your sake and mine.

Do now what you are meant to do.

I will be pleased, at peace even. You will be fulfilling your destiny and reaching your potential.

Glory will finally stop saying, "I hungwy mommy". Well, probably not. She says that seven million times a day.

Either way, Do it .

Rise.

Rise.

Rise and be devoured in peace.

Sincerely,

Jessica Ashleigh Connolly

ps: the bread in question did indeed rise.
And the next loaf as well!
The next two, not so much.
I'm not giving up just yet though.

For my Valentine

Have you guys seen this deal?

A free 8x10 canvas of your favorite picture?

I took Canvas People up on their offer and got Nicky a little Valentines Day art project displaying my big prayers for him this year.

Then, I got a little excited and started on something for Glory's birthday. Just a sneak peak little drafty. We'll see what comes from it!

Ok, so maybe go order one of the 8x10's. And if you need some design goodness to go up on yours - holla at your girl.

friday domesticity report

I suppose this will be the post that concerns "homemaking".

Did anyone come up with a better name?

I think I like homefront. Or Domesticity Report.

Well, first and foremost - I'll tell you - about a week ago, I looked around my house and got a little panicky. We moved in about seven months ago, and while I love this little house - I couldn't believe how little I'd decorated. I have STACKS and stacks of frames outside in my garage, beautiful anthropologie lamps, a few pieces of art, and all I see around me is wall to wall beige and NO decorating. I think my mind was just so overwhelmed the past few months, it didn't even bother me - but now I can't look at the blank wall across from my sofa without getting at least one hive.

So I made a resolution to myself to try and decorate this home and make it feel extremely comfy, even with a ridiculously little budget. I found this idea and vowed to do it and started brainstorming a ton of little projects.... and then - we decided to move! Not because I was impatient with our lack of decorating, of course, but because we our friends have an amazing basement apartment they needed to rent out that is an AWESOME short term situation for us until we make our big move to Boston. So, no need in decorating THIS house - but I have lots of ideas floating around in my mind for our next one - even if it is short term, I'm hoping everything will transfer to MA well.

Here's what I'm thinking inspiration wise.

I'll let you know how that goes!

On to other matters....

Here is my laundry detergent recipe that so many of you mentioned! It's ridiculously easy.

Also - many online are for like 5 gallons. Mine is just for one. I don't have a five gallon container - so I just make it one every other weekish. It is RIDICULOUSLY easy and I cannot believe how well it cleans our clothes. Nick and I are both amazed. Seriously - do ya'll know what kind of coffee stains abound in my life? Major ones - this laundry detergent is powerful enough for all my coffee stained sleeves and toddler potty training accidents. And it smells HEAVENLY. Oh, and it's cheap. I found most of the ingredients at a big grocery store here and outside of the essential oil, all the materials cost under $10. And I'm sure they'll last at least a year. AT LEAST.

Some of you mentioned having good laundry recipes - I want to hear them!

ok, here it is:

Bring 1.65 cups of water to a boil.

grate 1/3 bar of soap (I use dove) and put in the boiling water

stir & dissolve.

Pour in 1 gallon of water & stir.

Add 1/6 cup of washing soda and

1/3 cup of borax. Stir.

While it's still in the pot, if you'd like to add any scents - now is the time. I don't have any certain amount you should add, just until you're worried it might be too strong I suppose! I use lavender & I honestly don't think I use enough. I'm going to start adding more, more, more until Nick says he doesn't like it.

Alright, up next week - bread baking.

As I delve into this little experiment, our house is like the anti-atkins association.

Thankfully I have a few good lady friends leading me, or who know what would happen.

What are YOUR good recipes for bread? Tell me!

(and - as a follow up to yesterday - I'll let you know what bang I'm going with whenever I actually decide, haircut is scheduled for next Wednesday!)

help my forehead.

A few months ago, I tried to grow my bangs out because, well - I just needed a haircut and didn't know what to do with them.

Now that they're pretty grown out, I still don't know what to do with that flop of hair so it just lives in a bobby pin all the time.

(also, excuse the crazy eyes)

So, bangs need to come again.

But WHAT KIND? There are so many varieties.

please vote, ok? I'll actually care what you say - promise.

Choice A: semi safe, thinner, with a definitive part.

Choice B: messy and thick, maybe a little too edgy?

Choice C: what I would do if I was really brave.

But what do you do when you workout?

Choice D: supersafe & what I had for most of college.

Choice E: because I couldn't help myself.

Hurry, my forehead needs you! Dress her! And, I'm running out of bobby pins.

grumbling about manna

I'm beginning to write this in the morning because I already feel like grumbling today.

Nick and I are a part of redemption groups at our church, Mars Hill, which are essentially short-term group counseling sessions that are intense and life changing & often hard. As we walk through the areas in our lives that we need serious redemption, we're reading through Exodus and I'm developing a love/hate relationship with the Israelites as I find myself identifying with them. The slavery, the freedom, the wandering - it's exhausting. So is my heart most days.

So, this past week we got to the lesson concerning manna & the Israelites grumbling and I breathed a sigh of relief because come on, I know manna. I've alluded to this being a hard year for us financially, but in truth - the symptoms of not having money stopped affecting us in a negative way several months ago. Let me clarify - we have still have very little money, we just got used to it very quickly. It's been hard to fight worrying about the future, it's been a battle to fight for my husband's encouragement as he tries to provide for us in a tough economy, and if I'm honest - it's difficult to choose to let people bless us and help us every once in a while. But truly, it hasn't been hard to believe God will provide for our needs - because He's never once failed. And we chose early on not to grumble. No dinners out, no coffee on the way to church, and no shopping trips to Target don't seem like such a sacrifice when you're eating manna each day.

So I thought, "Thank you Jesus for this lesson on manna. Thank you for making it real to me, help me to be a testimony." But, of course... there was more.

In our lesson, we were learning about how God's people grumbled about the manna, hoarded it, and didn't trust God to provide. Then the whammy came for me - our book warned us, that the issues we probably grumble about are so ingrained in us, we can't see them any longer. Since our desires are a good look at what our hearts are after, one of our assignments was to examine what we truly, specifically wanted. Answering the question - "what do you REALLY desire, specifically" is not a fun activity all the time.

Doing our redemption group work that week wasn't very comfortable for me. It wasn't pretty or comfy and there was no leisurely bible reading with coffee. I was literally sweating, shifting in my chair, and looked a bit possessed. Because the truth is - if the Israelites made their stomachs their gods and didn't trust Him to provide their food, I've been absolutely denying God the ability to provide for me emotionally during this season.

My heart has hurt, I've battled shame, and my emotions have run wild. And most of the time, I've denied the Lord the opportunity to come and love on me. I've developed a sick little habit of "bathroom screaming", which is the term I use for grumbling in my head whenever I'm in the bathroom (aka - the only time I have alone). I scream out my hurt, my frustrations, and the injustice I see. I scream about how no one understands, how the dishes are always dirty, how cleaning up poop is so gross. I scream about how there aren't enough hours during the day, how tired I am, and how sensitive I am. The only problem is, I'm not crying out to the Lord. I'm just screaming (but in my head, as not to scare the toddlers).

So as I had to fill in the blank about what I wanted, I was pretty appalled. Everything I wanted, the opposite of all I grumble about, is concerning my identity and how I'm viewed by the rest of the world. Am I a good housewife? Am I a strong believer? Can I handle it all?

The real question:

Can I trust God to be enough when I am not? When I never am? Can I trust Him to meet my own needs when I fail myself, when others fail me, when I fail others, when I fail Him?

I sure do trust Him for bread, but can I trust Him to love me?

To hear me when I call?

Can I trust him enough to cry out to Him instead of grumble to myself?

My wise friend Marisa said, "If you're not fighting against your grumbling, you're fighting for it". So I'm fighting against my grumbling this week, waging war against my sin. Beginning with confession and praying through psalm 27, which is a passage that is teaching me to cry out to the Lord. Asking him to help me seek after Him. Hiding in His shelter, crying out to Him, & waiting for Him to be gracious to me - which He already is. I mean, come on - He provides so much manna.

In so many ways.

reason #493

Reason #493 that is very fun to have kids.

You have a good excuse to send valentines again without being the overzealous weirdy friend.

(Please feel free to steal these to make your own! Click to open them in high resolution form, print them off and hand them out! I printed mine at home and glued them on construction paper for a semi-homemade feel.)

in light of eternity

All of a sudden, life feels so different and wild.

I was so lost in baby world for the past three years and now, I'm waking up and there is so much to do! Community, teaching the kids, potty training, cleaning house, loving on friends, serving in some capacity, teaching MYSELF, loving my husband, praying through our future. Everyday I'm trying to think simpler so I can do more... cut out the things I don't need to do, so I can focus on the things I should be doing.

So I need purpose, really clear purpose in the places that get my time. If no one else in the world cared or read this blog - I'd definitely still write it. It's just that fun for me.

I just don't think I can go on unless I have some perimeters.

And I think I finally do.

I want to write about...

Jesus, life, design, & domestic goodness.

Jesus, life, design, & homemaking.

Jesus, life, design & housecraft.

Jesus, life, design & figuring-out-how-to-be-a-wife-&-mom.

(can we find a good synonym for homemaking?)

Call it what you want. That's what I want to write about.

Here's the catch. Blogs about life, design, & deciding-what-floor-cleaner-is-best are all pretty unimportant in the grande scheme of things, unless they're written in the shadow of the light of Christ. A funny story about our house catching on fire is only made sweet when we were able to see a tangible picture of how God's grace keeps us from going up in flames every day.

Showing you a new blog header I've gotten to work on is much more enjoyable when I can tell you about the sweet long-distance friend and the encouraging phone calls we still get to have. Or showing you some websites I love because they inspire me to find the creativity God has placed inside me (somewhere deep, deep, deep that I'm trying to dig up).

And well, there is for sure testimony in having an online place to discuss homemade laundry detergent. It has to speak to the redemptive work of Christ because there is no way a selfish lady like me would find soooooo much joy in boiling up soapy mixtures of lavender & borax to save my family a little money and try to be a bit more green. Right?

So. I have a renewed vigor for blogging.

But only in light of eternity.

Cause none of us has any time to waste, amen?

because all three should get equal blog time.