redemption, part 3.1

This is for sure the longest blog I've ever written, so here is part one. Well, of part three.

Oh goodness.

Here is part one and part two.

Put some toothpicks in your eyelids and give it your best shot.

There I was, sitting in a normal-looking bible study with women who looked back at me with kind eyes. I’m pretty sure at some point I shed some tears, because – that’s what I do all too often, but they were understanding and helpful with their words. I was pretty broken over my son’s sin – his horrible behavior that felt insurmountable to me. The challenge ahead of me to shepherd and guide him well was so intense and I didn’t know where to go with my all my fears. Fears that he might not ever meet Christ, fears that I wouldn’t teach Him God’s word well, fears that he was just going to be an extra hard case to parent. The real problem with this story comes in when I tell you my little baby Elias was only seven months at the time. Please laugh. Please laugh or gasp or something. Who cries over the sin of a seven month old, or goes into hot sweats at the thought of having already screwed it all up. Me, that’s who.

In all seriousness, a little while ago I had to have a serious conversation with my sister where I repented and apologized for my sins of judgement against her. A few years ago, I thought I had parenting all under control – what with my well behaved six month old who took two naps a day and got a nightly bath and bible story. I couldn’t understand why my three & four year old nieces disobeyed – shouldn’t the shepherding be done by age two?

Ugh, unfortunately I’m not totally kidding about my pride and disillusionment with what it really meant to raise children. Fast forward to Elias’ first birthday and in my heart – I feared he was broken. He cried in the car all of a sudden, sometimes DIRECTLY disobeyed my requests and played with his poop. I thought pressing in on the discipline would help. When Glory was born, my control slipped farther and farther away as I had his toddler woes increasing and one of the strongest willed children growing by the day. At six months old when Glory was doing chin-ups on our king size bed and thrusting her head when she was angry – I feared for my life a little bit.

The problem was, though I’d repented of the idea that children were meant for my enjoyment – I’d made an idol out of the idea that I was responsible for raising them. I knew the product of teaching and guiding them was not meant to be my enjoyment or pleasure, but it sure as heck was going to be a good, finished product if I had something to say about it.

Unfortunately, I am the most sinful part of the child-raising equation. If anything can mess it up, it’s me. The Lord designed the post-fall-family sensibly – there are children who have a great need for Jesus and a Savior who can fill the greatest of needs. If we point party A to party B, it wouldn’t be so complicated but it seems we need to confuse EVERYTHING, right?

Because in all honesty moms – we don’t want sinners for children, do we? We want children who are precious and the right amount of precocious and daring while still being respectful. We want them to pray before their meals as soon as they learn to talk and goodness gracious, we’d like for them to nap. If you think you don’t want your children to be that, I promise you want someone else’s to be. It’s so much easier to see these sweet image bearers of God on our scale of productivity, rather than seeing them as our greatest ministry – depraved humans in need of our gentle instruction and loving guidance.

As the Lord has begun to shift my heart about this, I’m amazed at how frightful the lists are that I’ve been putting on my children. I have essentially asked them to behave as if they are sanctified, even though they aren’t and when they do not meet my standards, some of which I’ve never explained to them, I just tell them to be different. Moreover, I noticed the disgusting nature in which I would judge other mothers or their children when they shockingly behaved like lost little two year olds. Would I rip a homeless person off the street and berate them for not tithing? I wouldn’t share Christ with someone by beginning with a hearty rebuke about their lack of time spent in the Word. Likewise – my time with my children cannot be spent solely on disciplining them for the extra-biblical lists that they just don’t understand. What, Elias? You didn’t know it’s strange to lick the window? Glory, have I not yet explained to you that hitting isn’t an appropriate way of acquiring a toy? Well, I have – but since you have the memory of a two year old and the passion of your mother… let me explain it again. Patiently, this time.

My children did not ask to be born with sinful, hard hearts.

Why in the world would I put the burden of reforming themselves on them without lifting a finger to help them carry that great load? Instead the beauty of this burden, carried together, could hopefully point them to Christ when they realize that regeneration in Him is the only agent of change.

part 3.2 tomorrow:)

family thankfulness

I meant to write a blog about something else, but all I want to say tonight is how thankful I am for my little family. Circumstantially, this has been a rough few days - but each time I get a little stressed, I lay my hand on one of these kiddos and I actually can't be upset. To have three children who are healthy and one husband who is pursuing Jesus and me at the same time - it's too much to handle sometimes. I feel very humbled by His goodness. So, some things I'm specifically thankful for/hilarious things they're doing lately.

- Tonight Elias and I were talking about Jesus' triumphal entry and I said, "And you see this picture of Jesus riding on a donkey?". Elias looked at me in all seriousness and said, "Umm... actually that is a horse...." Literally - word for word. Who is this little talker?

- I love that Benjamin ate about six pounds worth of pancakes tonight for dinner.

- Glory has added the Easter Bunny to her list of irrational fears. This morning when she woke up, her first words were, "Bunny scare me."

- I really appreciate how simple my husband's love languages are.

- I can't believe we're approaching the season where my kids can play outside and I can watch through the window while having a quiet time.

- I don't even mind that Elias has a crush on Giada from the food network. He calls her "G".

- My heart feels glad when Benjamin pats the side of his head, his new favorite trick.

- Today, Elias was an actual lunatic all morning. Before he went down for a nap, we prayed that the Lord would help him be more joyful in the afternoon. He woke up a different boy! When he woke up I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie and he said, "No - I want the tv off - I just want to play with Benjamin!" Who is he? I love him.

I'm just really thankful for these blessings that I don't deserve in the slightest.

dreaming about tumblers

The other night I had the most vivid dream that someone gave me a new coffee tumbler and it was just magical. I woke up and I was literally disappointed that the tumbler wasn't an actual part of my life. Which got me thinking.... coffee cups and mugs and tumblers are VERY important to me. Are they to you? And if not, do you have an inanimate object that is a big part of your day?

Now, I really should've gone into my cabinets and just shot some pictures for you guys but I'm using the excuse, "my coffee cups and mugs are so precious to me that they're too private to take pictures of". Really, I just don't have enough time to take pictures and upload them. But oh goodness, I wish I could give you a personal tour through my mugs and tell you about them. The stories of love behind the ones that were gifts. The ones that fit my hand just perfectly. I'd show you the tiny small ones that I give to Kelly because she doesn't like a big cup. I LOVE knowing which coffee cups my friends prefer - because then I feel like I know them and can serve them all the more. I even linger thoughtfully in the tea section of Trader Joe's every week thinking about Lauren and Lexi and wondering what they like and occasionally buying a new box in case they come over.

Without further ado - my fantasy coffee cup selection.

(let's be clear - I don't want to eradicate my current collection - just add to it)

I think these are the perfect playdate mugs. Now - I'd take them out of that crazy holder - but can't you just see a bunch of mamas standing in the northwest mist with these, watching kids go down the slide?!

ahhhhh. I love my current Charlotte mug - but I like the tomato red in this one as well.

My husband would LOVE this mug. I would never use them, but he'd like them.

Well, this is my dream quiet time mug.

And these are just too fun! I love the pantone website, I may as well have it in my cabinets.

Ok. What about you? What possession are you a little nutty about? Purses? Plates? Trash cans?

Oooh, I'd love a new trash can too. Yikes.

redemption, part 2

Just a warning, this is very long. Warning #2, it would be helpful to start here.

Sometimes when I have a point that I desperately need to make to my children, I will get in their face and hold their head in my hands and say, “I entreat you. Stop ________.” I save this plea for really serious situations or scenarios where I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I know the message is too important to mess it all up in the delivery.

As I’ve been blogging for a while and I’ve tried to find my voice, I’ve realized that while I love to READ wisdom-filled, teaching blogs – that is not the purpose of mine and not something I need to be doing. Do I have a million soapboxes I’d like to stand on? Yes. Do I have big issues I’d like to semi “teach” on, yes. But it’s not where I’m at right now, and I don’t feel like anyone has given me the authority to teach anything. This season for me is about learning and growing. However, this post is slightly different.

It is a heartfelt entreaty, an earnest plea concerning an issue that I feel the Lord has begun to teach me about – primarily by showing me my own sin and opening my eyes to the gross effects of it. It’s an entreaty for believing women and I hope I’m hearing it as loudly as I’m typing it.

I was at a women’s retreat recently and I can honestly say I’ve never felt the Holy Spirit so powerfully at work. At certain points, it seemed as if Jesus was there, physically stirring up hearts with a spoon. Confession, forgiveness, honesty, and freedom were all flowing freely and it was beautiful to watch, to be a part of. It was beautiful and a little exhausting for sure, to see so much laid bare in others and to experience the freedom that Christ was exploding in my own heart. At one point, I escaped for a few minutes to talk to the women I do accountability with and I was really thankful for the ability to talk in disjointed sentences and descriptions because they already knew my yuck. We’ve been laying it bare for one another every other week for a while now and so before I even told them, I’m sure they could’ve seen how the messages and sessions were working on me. The thing that bothered me, however, was when I considered other women… did they have people they could confess to? Did they have women who had already pointed out some of these issues, so it didn’t feel so wrecking to hear it at a retreat?

And then I got to thinking about community and women. And mind you, not specifically my church – but all women and how we interact with one another. What do we usually talk about? Our lists. Our things that we need to change or want to change or see in one another or want for ourselves. How do you get your toddler to eat so many different things? Where did you get that sweater? Oh, you write your husband sweet notes –that’s awesome! What is your recipe for cinnamon bread? Which parenting book are you reading right now? How did you make those sweet curtains? Your schedule is so busy – you’re superwoman! You don't have your quiet time in the morning?!

At least in my stage of life, I feel like the bulk of what I discuss with women, whether in a healthy or unhealthy manner, is extrabiblical lists. The things that are good to do, but not necessarily the most important.

Now, time for a disclaimer: I think managing your home is BEYOND beneficial. I think managing your life, if you have no kids or sixteen is very profitable. Of COURSE sharing these tips, tricks, and admonishing one another is helpful and sometimes – definitely necessary.

But are we missing the key of wisdom like Luke 11 says? Are we loading one another with burdens that we can’t bear and missing the only real task – which is seeking after redemption? If you’re one of my closest friends and I know all your favorite recipes and don’t your hot button sins that need accountability, I think there is a problem. We need lightheartedness and joyfulness in our lives, for sure but when women make those the building blocks of our relationships – we’re doomed. Christ alone is the cornerstone of our lives. Why is He not the cornerstone of our friendships?

This all of a sudden also feels super important for me to figure out as a future church planter’s wife. Nick and I have already discussed a lot about what my role will look like and it will absolutely not be the first lady of the church, the director of the children’s ministry, or the face to help support his image. I would miserably fail at all of those. My role is going to be to support and serve him as I do now, and especially when the church is small – love the women and ask the Spirit to help me set a godly example for them. Not be their hero or their guide or anything close to perfect, but an example. So it feels like an important decision to make. Will I be the wife with the clean carpets, brilliant and clean children, tight abs, delicious meals, and a private faith? Or will I be a humble participant in redemption, learning and being comfortable with the grace God has given me for the day.

Here’s where I’m starting. If you’re a close friend, I’m done judging or coveting your clean bathrooms. I may admire (and even compliment on) your hair – but you better believe I’m going to ask how your heart is doing. Let’s talk about tips and tricks to learn the abc’s and let’s apply the gospel to our disappointment with ourselves when we get behind. I promise to make my best effort to put comparison, pride, coveting, and wistful longing aside and I will instead ask the Spirit to guide me in love, admonishment, encouragement, truth, and spurring you on.

I will no longer put burdens on women that they cannot bear. I will no longer miss the key of knowledge.

Please join me, I entreat you.

princess-punks-in-the-yard

This is a follow-up birthday post. A continuation if you will.

The whole time I was decorating for Glory's party, I kept thinking, "Thank you Jesus for giving me a little girl. Thank you Jesus for giving me THIS little girl!" Because as much fun as it to put up beautiful pastel streamers and balloons, it's really just amazingly fun to do it for this little girl - who is going to come out of her room at naptime and her heart will burst with joy and gratitude over four packs of .77 streamers.

Sweet Mare & Kel were curious at her party what I loved most about her. I replied:

#1) How joyful she is. She may be dramatic but she's not ever sullen. She wants to be happy, she wants you to be happy too!

#2) How much she loves her Daddy. Seriously, she LOVES him. Her world revolves around him. I pray this translates well when she realizes how much more her Heavenly Father loves her.

But now I can't stop and I want to tell you more and more and more about her.

Which makes me want to write more and more and more about Benja and Elias.

So, maybe this will be kid week.

But I'll start with Glory.

Some things you probably don't know about Glory:

- She is OBSESSED with swinging in our new backyard. It's her love language. She has even taught Elias to come and ask me to push her when I tell her not to ask me anymore. Seriously. He'll come up and say, "Mommy - will you PLEASE help swing Glory?!"

- She says two phrases about sixteen batrillion times daily. a) "hold you, mommy!" [hold you means I hold her, but I cannot sit down. it's not cuddling, it's like just letting her be my size and get into whatever I'm doing] and b) "I'm hungry, mommy!" Sometimes she tells me she's hungry as I'm clearing her mammoth size breakfast.

- Most of her bff's are boys, but her REAL friends are my friends. Mare, Kelly, Annie, and Kim all are REALLY important to her. She likes to cuddle with them and they are usually the only other people she'll say, "hold you" to.

- She has taught Benjamin to growl and to hit. Neither of these things make me happy. She literally TAUGHT him to growl and to hit. I'm laughing typing this (even though I'm not happy about it).

- She likes to kiss things. Inanimate objects. Before naptime or bedtime, she usually has to kiss like five random things. Mickey Mouse on the diaper box, her princess book, a picture of herself, the table, you name it.

- She eats play-doh & markers. I always think I can trust her again and let her try but I come back to find her with a purple mouth and gagging on pink doh.

She is my favorite female in the whole world and I love her.

daily schedule

So, when I asked for advice on posts earlier - this was one of the suggestions.

Now, this is a sample if we spent ALL day at home, which happens about three times a week on my new toned-down-not-going-out-as-much plan.

I'm afraid that typing it out will make it seem extremely boring and uninteresting, but maybe if I blog it - you will too and we can learn from one another:)

5:30am: wake up.

(I'm just a morning person and kind of HAVE to get up this early to have my wits about me. Nick can verify - if I wake up past six, I'm like a wild animal with no plan.)

5:30-6:30: quiet time.

Just a tip: Don't tell yourself "oh I'll just check the internet real quick while I wait for the coffee to brew, then I'll start my quiet time!". I too often make this mistake.

6:30: walk or workout. If I'm going to workout at night with Nick, I go on a short walk and just get out of the house. Sometimes I call my mom or sister since I don't get great cell reception in my house and it's 9:30am their time.

7:30: kiddo time. The little ones get bottles/milk in their cribs until this time and Elias gets to read. At 7:30, I'm on. We let them watch a show or two in the morning and I get ready if I'm not already ready.

8am: Breakfuss. Kids eat, I make a smoothie, then I feed Benja or if Nick has time - he does it for me. First vacuum of the day while they're still in chairs.

8:30: crawl time for Benj, free play.

9:30: B naps and I do some sort of structured play with the older two. This usually looks like 15-20 minutes of intense structure and then I let them have a quick snack and more free play.

(numbers, letters, songs, acting out Bible stories, etc.)

11:30: Benj is up and I BEGIN getting lunch ready.

12:15 - 1ish: Eat lunch, I eat a snack and feed B.

1ish: start naptime procedures. Set up B's pack n play, coax Glory into her crib, get Elias settled on the couch. If I hold Elias, he will fall asleep in about fifteen or twenty minutes. When he passes out, I slip him off my lap, go get my own lunch, and TRY to relax. Watch tv, lay on the floor, prayer walk, read, something.

3ish: rally the troops with a post-nap snack. Bananas & usually some letter-shaped animal crackers do the trick. Try VERY hard not to make another pot of coffee. These help.

3:15: post-naptime activity. Play outside, go on a walk, do crafts, run an errand, song/music time.

5pm: Curious George! Please tell me, how many moms utilize the 5pm Curious George break to get dinner started? I know at least five. I start dinner.

5:30/5:45: Dinner as a family, or just the kids and Nick and I will eat a snack.

6:30: Bible time, prayer, and teeth brushing. Bebes in their cribs, Elias in his bed - reading books. (this is sometimes later if we need to do nighttime baths)

7:00ish: Nick and I work out or watch tv, or read, or stare lovingly into one another's eyes. Yeah, that's right. Also, laundry, cleaning, prepping stuff for the next day.

8ish: carefully remove the books from Elias' deathgrip & turn off the light.

10pm: head towards bed.

10:30: lights out or Nick pries the book from my deathgrip.

Start it all over!

So, what's YOUR schedule?

(Annnnndd.... just a picture to tide you over till tomorrow's princess party goodness)

fashion? friday.

I fully intended to take a picture of my outfit each day this week, and I also intended to actually get dressed. I did that for one day, took one picture and whole-heartedly decided to quit.

Instead I wore jeans, yoga pants, & crocs almost every day.

This week hit me like a ton of bricks and all of a sudden - feeding my kids, reciting scripture, serving my husband, and trying to keep my kitchen semi-clean was really all that mattered. Doing those things partially well took up enough energy to fully distract me from what I was wearing.

So here is a post about crocs instead.

In pre-children days, Kalle texted me one day and asked my opinion regarding the appropriateness of wearing crocs. In my snobby "i-work-at-anthropologie-and-only-wear-clothes-that-say-something-important" mentality, I really thought it over and then decided:

Crocs are only wearable for before & after yoga class, and gardening.

Then I saw the Mary-Jane style ones and eventually bought them just before we moved to the Northwest because I knew I'd be running lots of errands and doing lots of housework and I thought they'd be helpful for that.

Well, all I'm saying is. This week I ran no errands, did no gardening, and only did yoga within the comfort of my living room. But aren't those crocs so nice for hiding half-polished toes?

on the homefront

On the homefront, I have very little to update.

We're kind of teetering extremely close to considering ourselves unpacked.

Watch out, now.

But - I do have three things I would like to say.

#1) What do you think about wall decals in general and specifically headboard wall decals?

If I had a fun, whimsical room I think something like this would be fun. But it would have to be an out-of-the-way room.

But the headboards, I don't know - I think I kind of love them. Because of spatial requirements, we've recently abandoned our wrought iron king size for our plank queen, which is good for intimacy and simplicity... but I need a headboard.

Thoughts? too juvenile?

#2) My only tip to offer is homemade yogurt.

Annie clued me in to this recipe and I LOVE IT. It only saves me about $3/week because I use organic milk, but still $3 is $3.

#3) I have a future obsession.

Meaning, in the future, I will be obsessed with it.

Now I just dream. I've informed my husband that once we are settled and can begin collecting it, I'd like to switch to using Fire King Jadite dishes. You have to collect them from ebay and antique stores, but it's worth it to me. I just think they're beautiful and I want them to be our future-new-nuetral. Oh, one day.

Ok. Hope you're all well.

What are you home tips & tricks for the week?

Do tell.

redemption, part 1

(this is part one of a three part series containing some big things I feel like the Lord is teaching me about redemption... mostly a sermon to myself & hopefully somewhat intelligible)

One of the lawyers answered him, "Teacher, in saying these things you insult us also." And he said, "Woe to you lawyers also! For you load people with burdens hard to bear, and you yourselves do not touch the burdens with one of your fingers. Woe to you! For you build the tombs of the prophets whom your fathers killed. So you are witnesses and you consent to the deeds of your fathers, for they killed them, and you build their tombs. Therefore also the Wisdom of God said, 'I will send them prophets and apostles, some of whom they will kill and persecute,' so that the blood of all the prophets, shed from the foundation of the world, may be charged against this generation, from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who perished between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, I tell you, it will be required of this generation. Woe to you lawyers! For you have taken away the key of knowledge. You did not enter yourselves, and you hindered those who were entering." Luke 11:45-52

I love lists.

Specifically to-do lists.

Doesn't all the world feel more manageable when you know exactly what it is you need to do?

So that's exactly why Luke 11 hit me right between the eyes. When Jesus begins rebuking the lawyers, if you're like me - you probably feel a wave of relaxation. "Well, I can't possibly need to hear this since I'm a stay-at-home-mom (insert your occupation or livelihood) and not a lawyer! AND - not even a lawyer in New Testament days, at that!" You would think by this point in my life, I'd learn to stop discounting myself from pieces of scripture that provide rebuke - since they are the ones I need to hear the absolute most.

For whatever reason, I pressed into Luke 11:45-52 (most likely the Holy Spirit holding me) and I've honestly spent weeks there, mulling it over and letting it pierce my heart in all sorts of ways.

So a little further study found that the lawyers weren't exactly like our lawyers of today, but scribes of the pharisees. They were in charge of all the... well, the lists. They did all the note-taking concerning the extra-biblical rules the pharisees placed on the people. They spent their days writing opinions of "holy" men, and basically being like the nastiest elves in the north pole - essentially deciding who was good and bad. The hard part is, somewhere in their hearts - they probably wanted to help, right? They desired holiness and rightness and pleasing the Lord, or at the very least - they wanted to be as close to holy as possible, which makes me want to root for them, a little. Right?

Wrong. They're missing the main point. They had taken away the key of knowledge, which was the God-man standing in front of them. I can so imagine what it would've been like to be them, you know - because I've been them. I hear about Jesus and I talk to Him and I read about Him, but when it comes down to it - actually changing or becoming "better", I know how to do it on my own. I make a list, stick to it, and then hold my entire list up to everyone else I know. If they don't measure up - I judge them. Then I realize I don't measure up, do a little self flagellation, wallow, make a new list and start again. Maybe somewhere in there, I encounter Jesus and tell Him, "You know - that insults me a little, when you call me an unmarked grave!" and I keep going about my own way.

But woe to me.

Woe was me when I read this passage & saw myself in their shoes.

How long have I looked at the key of knowledge and looked past the redemptive blood on His brow? How many mornings have I been beneath Him on the cross and yelled up, "Hey! Thanks for dying for me - but I've got this, see my list here?! I'm going to learn how to be a Proverbs 31 woman today!!! Exciting, huh!?". How long have I taken redemption for granted? Sadly, by wanting to know Jesus and not really wanting to know the experience of redemption - mostly because it felt easier to take the burden on myself than to look His love square in the face. It's frightening to be loved like that. Chosen, predestined, even with the full knowledge of my past, present, and future sin. Created, gifted, blessed, and loved on top of that? Forgiven through propitiation, justified by sinless blood, and qualified for His work. Something inside of me had slowly decided that kind of love was too much to swallow whole, and so... I just began making lists.

But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law {God allowed humans to be righteous no matter how many lists they fail}, although the Law and Prophets bear witness to it - the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God {none of us can master any spiritual or personal to-do list, ever} and are justified as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus {big sigh, I love that phrase. I live because of that phrase}, whom God put forward as a propitiation by His blood, to be received by faith. (romans 3:21-25)

That is the good news of the century. Good news of eternity.

We don't have to live missing the key of knowledge.

Believers and skeptics alike - put down your lists.

When Truth is standing in front of you, quit trying and ask for faith.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 corinthians 12:10)

I must be actually insane.

A few things:

a) I cannot believe I'm doing this.

b) I don't think my hair is beautiful or tutorial-worthy, but enough people have asked how I do it and so I will pass along the info. I did spend many a night googling hair youtube videos with Lauren to finally get something that worked for me, so hopefully this is helpful.

c) in these tutorial photos, I have on no makeup. So... yeah - here is full disclosure.

d) enough warnings.

So. To begin, you should know - I LIKE sort of nappy hair.

Smooth, silky hair is not really my thing. My logic is...

nappy, voluminous hair makes your face look smaller.

If I'm wrong, don't bust up my theory, I'm comfortable with it.

So to get big waves, my first step is nappy. I get my hair as gross as possible. I want as much volume as possible and also, the more coarse your hair is - the better it holds heat. To get my hair coarse is um... not hard. But I do it like this. Wash it at night, dry my bangs, put a little bit of relaxer in it and then sleep on it. The next morning, I begin this process.

Hold on to your hats. I wish I had one.

(I only braid it in the morning b/c I can't stand to look at it - that isn't part of the process)

you should have coffee available.

there she is, in all her glory. nappy wave.

I separate it & grab a thick chunk.

curl it like a ringlet, but start up high.

it's like curling ringlets, but you don't start at the bottom of the strand, start up near the top.

do all of the bottom & let the crazy top down.

mix in the top & bottom strands to make it cohesive, smile at benja in the background.

keep going, all around the top. Starting at the top & leaving a small little tail.

sip of coffee, you're almost done.

mess it up, swing it around, go a little nutty.

if you don't mess it all up, the curls will sort of meld together like a 1998 promdo.

brush it all out to make soft waves and smile using your teeth - you're done!

Now, that is a massive process.

But I do it twice a week and touch it up in the mornings.

And I promise never to do that again!

pretty things

Here are some things I'm working on. Or have already worked on.

This bag was one of my favorite things we got at our Mars Hill women's retreat, which I was super-super-super honored to do the logos for.

My first manly project was for Kevin Mackey, a member of Mars Hill who has just started a blog on fatherhood, music, & business. His site is still a work in progress, but have your husbands check it out for sure!

I'm trying to be a little more careful with my time to make sure my bebes are getting all they need from me, but that is really just freeing me up to work on only my favorite, favorite projects! Some of these projects-in-progress include some canvases for friends, a fun baby shower invitation, and my first wedding invitation - all getting wrapped up!

But, by far - my favorite design project so far...

doing the branding for the talented Kelly Bollman.

Kelly has been one of my sister's best friends since college and I've loved her the whole time I've known her. We worked together at Shandon Baptist when I was in college & our kids love to pray for her family.

Ya'll, she is a RIDICULOUSLY talented painter.

So we're getting her a GREAT website to show it off.

In the meantime, visit her blog here.

Here is what we've got going so far for her... her business card design!

And a few of you have been asking on here about pricing. I'll let you know I'm doing everything hourly right now. No different prices for invitations or blog header or cards or anything. Everything is hourly and the rate is still quite cheap while I'm getting my junk together!

Email me if you have a project in mind and we'll see what we can work out!

(jessi@naptimediaries.com)

In the meantime... I'll leave you with my FAVORITE time consuming projects.

Just a sun-drenched, Sunday-morning, two-year-old-birthday breakfast.

Be still my heart.

To my amazing two year old little lady.

Miss Gloriana,

When I found out I was having a little bebe girl, I had about a million expectations of what it would be like. Of what she would be like. How our relationship would be. You are nothing like my expectations and you've exceeded every single one. I absolutely love how the Lord has made you and one of the biggest things I'd like to give you is a love for the unique identity He has given you. So far - you seem more than comfortable with it. Here are some of my favorite things about you, just a few:

- I love how much you love to dance. For that matter, I love dancing with you.

- When you take care of babies, specifically your Benja - my heart melts.

- I love that you like to show Daddy every outfit you put on your body, ever. It's a good thing, because he will probably make you do that till you get married.

- Your dad says getting you to bed is like herding cats and I totally agree. It takes you two hours to get anywhere we want you to be.

- I love that you wear Benjamin's skunk hat from his halloween costume to Target and call it hair bow.

- I am just obsessed with your smile and your crinkly eyes.

- When you ask me to pray for you sixteen times a day, my heart is glad.

- I love that you'd rather watch Kung Fu Panda than Cinderella.

- When you cuddle with me, a little bit it seems everything is right with the world.

- I am so thankful to the Lord that you seem to just make our family. The two silly boys and the beautiful girl in between them.

- I love your irrational fears that pop up, oh - every day or so. Cats, your Poppy, snowmen, and most recently - the woman who leads worship at our bible study. You're the only person more skittish than me. And yet... cool as a cucumber when you want to be.

- Those curls, I mean - come on.

Glory-girl, beauty-queen, crazy-lady-baby, princess, gooey.

Whatever we call you - you are a BLESSING.

We love you so much.

Your mama & daddy.

on the docket.

Are you ready for this?

I like nothing better than a good plan.

You ask for it, I'll plan it.

Here's whats coming on here in the next week.

Friday: A tribute to my almost two-year old baby girl. My heart just stopped a little. How in the world do I have a two year old little girl? I may or may not be ugly crying in Starbucks right now.

Monday: Design Stuff, and I may have a portfolio page up and running by then if I get my junk together. This will include but not be limited to: some Mars Hill women's retreat things [I carry my bag everywhere because I'm just so excited about it still], small business logos, recent blog headers, and Glory's bday invitation that I didn't send out for lack of time.

Tuesday: Oh goodness. Unless I chicken out - I will be doing a step-by-step PICTURE diary of how I do my hair. You guys keep asking for tutorials and more than anything, I want to show you a picture of it in all it's natural frizzy unruliness so you'll feel a little bad for me. Plus, for real - I like hair. Come over and let me play with yours.

Wednesday: A heavy, big-girl, doctrine post that you may or may not read and no one will comment on. It's ok, I'm used to it:) I want to write it anyhow. AND It's #1 of a three part series.

Thursday: Recipes & home tricks. Most are borrowed from Annie. It's helpful to have great cooks for friends. Now maybe we can beg Kalle to post some recipes too.

Friday: Now this, I'm excited about! My new goal as of late is to get dressed every day. Not as if I went around unclothed before - but I'm talking no work-out clothes allowed for the better part of the day. Next week I'm going to try VERY hard to plan actual outfits from what I can find in my closet and take a picture each day. I'll post them all on Friday if I make it though. A yoga pant or two might sneak in there. But basically, I'll try and copy these cuties for one day.

Ok, so - come on back for more goodness.

And for those that requested poop stories, I'll try and sneak one or two in.

And once more, SERIOUSLY? TWO?! No - she's still this big.

bwahaaaaaaaaaaa.bwahaaaaaaaaa.

I left Starbucks to save myself the embarrassment.

what do you want?

My well is a little dry.

I've got three super heavy meaty posts brewing and nothing to post in the meantime because my heart is a little preoccupied with thinking on those things.

So here it is, your big opportunity!

Delurk and name your desires all at once.

What do you want to read about on the old naptime diaries?

What would bring you a chuckle or a smile or make your day a little easier.

My well is dry, help me out.

Recipes? Design stuff? Poop stories?

You name it & I might just deliver.

my new happy place.

Our only room that is mostly unpacked and my consequently, my new favorite place to be.

The hopefulness of the the light coming in through the windows, the soft cars rug where we lay and play airplane, and the toddler bed that he makes me squeeze into when I tuck him in at night... I love this room.

northwest babes

We're outside people now. Well, we're trying.